20 years and I just found out what I am fighting.

by Catherine
(Sacramento, CA USA)

I guess it was pure desperation. Some will call it Divine Inspiration.

But someone other than myself has lead me to this subject! I love my husband, and he professes his deep love for me.

Tonight we cried and both agreed we could not go on! We were talking about separation. He cried himself to sleep.

But for once I would not let it be about him! Every time I get to the point of no return with him, he became the victim!

Nothing was ever his fault, he was never responsible for the bitterness that had crept into the marriage. It was always me, being dissatisfied. When all I had ever truly ask him for was peace in our home.

For years I have struggled to understand his destructive behavior, his nasty ways. His constant disregard for our home and finances.

Every thing was always fine as long as he got his way. I called him hard headed all these years. He simply had to have everything his way or no way at all. And I have fought the good fight against it, but have grown tired.

After many tears and much praying, my prayer was answered, I stumbled into a website earlier that was talking about the Jezebel Spirit, and my God of Mercy, they were talking about my life with this man!

Every Jot and tittle described what I have been through with him. And now I KNOW, it is this spirit that I have been battling with for 20years and it has been using and hiding behind him!

Pray for me while I prepare to do battle! With God's help, I will have the victory!

Comments for 20 years and I just found out what I am fighting.

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 24, 2015
The Mad Room
by: I'm Still Standing

Nearly fourteen years of a hellish marraige with an extreme Narcissist. He was also once charming however I was blinded as to the real self of this monster lurked beneath his kind and caring exterior. Two montgs after we married from a two year long courtship tge mobster began slowly emerging. First he would lock himself in his home office by pushing furniture agsinst the foir and not responding. Then the suicide notes left and tgen hitting me. After leaving him for two weeks he roped me back by a fake suicide attempt of overdosing only to have his stomach pumped and tge doctor confusing in me he found only an empty stomach. I discovered all his prescription meds poured into his boot in his closet and also that he faked this to get me back.... It worked. Thirteen years later I've been hit a few more times and gave taken his guns and placed in hiding due multipke threats if killing himself in his control tactics. Tge silent treatment us his favorite against me lasting montgs on end as he licks himself in the " Madroom" where only he has the finger print code to get in. Two years ago I discovered his laptop open and snooped only to learn if seven years if sickening dating profiles and nasty sex hookup profiles and more snooping I learned of multiple mail order bride profiles in pursuit if a mail order bride. Then the worst if which I've learned he purchased and hid a spy camera click in my bedroom where as he licked himself away in his " Madroom" he was all tge while viewing my every mice in our bedroom from his premium channels of his spyclock camara upon me! I've also discovered his obsession if porn and sick porn trash even catching him view it on Christmas Eve as he had warned me tgere would be no Christmas and take the tree down. He later sent me a text at my night shift job for punishment that he had put my elderly dog outside and hoped he froze and died. Christmas morning I arrived home only to discover my dog still inside and warm however all my photis torn to nite size pieces and sprinkled all over my beds and floors. Clotges of mine he has sliced to pieces and various incidents I've arrived to discover dll my belongings strewn all over the floors. Called names and silrbt treatnent if completely shutting me out as he walks past me with as if I'm a ghost. Months on end I receive not even a glance if existence. I know I gave tge Stickholm Syndrome and want to leave but I'm sick and brainwashed due his Inhumane treatment snd need to get away. He has also been under IRS investigations for under reporting his income and put me in debt as I filed with him as no knowledge of anything wrong. My taxes I've since filed alone only to have my return taken and applied to his taxes iwed. He is reclusive and goes months without leaving the home or even steps on the porch. Online he us portraying himself as a wealthy debt free successful genious and on his special sex, dating and mail order bride profiles asks. " Do You Like To Be Spoiled"? He is a mobster however treats me as if I'm a bad girl for exposing his hidden self. Hellish.

Apr 16, 2012
43 years and counting
by: Anonymous

I can so relate to your story.....I was drawn to your story by a friend who claimed to have a narcistic brother & mother. Very revealing. I was the compliant child of a narcisstic mother who married a man just like my mother. Although it's taken me years of self-examination, reading the latest books on personality disorders and "angels" crossing my pathway pointing to wholeness, at or about 40 I stood up to my husband & informed him he would never beat me again! I broke the silence and incurred his wrath in a way that confirmed to me that all the blame and games were due to his own choices, lack of security and ultimately lack of surrender to God. He has been unfaithful to me, critical, disrespectful and distant. My experiences have driven me closer to God and finding my center in Him. Although the lies and irresponsible behavior continues, I am at peace with who I am and have been able to carve out a life for myself without rocking our world. He has my pity, but ultimately he's created a hell of a life for himself and I have given him over to God who is the only one able to change him, if he permits. Although he has threatened to leave many times because we have "nothing in common", or he doesn't want to "play this game any more", we are still together although I have given him permission to leave if he so desires. He can change from day to day - from expressing high hopes for the future together to total distance for days because of some offense he's endured. I've learned to take it all in stride, do my best, and leave the rest to God. He has shown me favor that I have never received in life from another human being in this measure. I have been abused, betrayed, abandoned, etc, but I can attest to God's faithfulness in my life and the blessings outweigh the sorrows. After all, our hope is not in this life, but in the life hereafter if we remain faithful!

Apr 16, 2012
43 years and counting
by: Anonymous

I can so relate to your story.....I was drawn to your story by a friend who claimed to have a narcistic brother & mother. Very revealing. I was the compliant child of a narcisstic mother who married a man just like my mother. Although it's taken me years of self-examination, reading the latest books on personality disorders and "angels" crossing my pathway pointing to wholeness, at or about 40 I stood up to my husband & informed him he would never beat me again! I broke the silence and incurred his wrath in a way that confirmed to me that all the blame and games were due to his own choices, lack of security and ultimately lack of surrender to God. He has been unfaithful to me, critical, disrespectful and distant. My experiences have driven me closer to God and finding my center in Him. Although the lies and irresponsible behavior continues, I am at peace with who I am and have been able to carve out a life for myself without rocking our world. He has my pity, but ultimately he's created a hell of a life for himself and I have given him over to God who is the only one able to change him, if he permits. Although he has threatened to leave many times because we have "nothing in common", or he doesn't want to "play this game any more", we are still together although I have given him permission to leave if he so desires. He can change from day to day - from expressing high hopes for the future together to total distance for days because of some offense he's endured. I've learned to take it all in stride, do my best, and leave the rest to God. He has shown me favor that I have never received in life from another human being in this measure. I have been abused, betrayed, abandoned, etc, but I can attest to God's faithfulness in my life and the blessings outweigh the sorrows. After all, our hope is not in this life, but in the life hereafter if we remain faithful!

Jan 22, 2012
I'm just now beginning to "get" it.....
by: Anonymous

Seventeen years upcoming. I'm just stunned. I am heart-broken and I don't know why. I have two children, and I'm not sure what to do. How do I possibly move forward? I'm no victim, no weak and timid woman, but I'm humble and kind. I'm empathetic and quick to repent, and so....taking the blame for everything was easy. I'm sick to my stomach at what I must do. Please pray for me, as I need godly wisdom.

Jan 07, 2012
Good for you!
by: Anonymous

It will soon be 35 yrs of marriage (if you want to call it that) for me. I can relate to the things you wrote...esp about him being the victim. I was "awakened" about 10 years ago when my husband "took his mask" off and started being overtly emotionally and verbally abusive. I feel like I've been conned. For many years,I thought he was a good guy. He bought me material things and flowers. After being married awhile, his parents started being abusive (his mother in a passive-aggressive manner and his father sometimes verbally).At Xmas, I would get gifts with holes in them or other unacceptable things. My husband just attributed his parent's behavior to their weirdness with money...although no one else got presents with holes! He never stood up for me, although he would claim otherwise. I now know that his family used me as their scapegoat. I would say, if you are not happy and you feel you need to get out- that is all you need to know. Trust me, when I tell you that it can only get worse. After my husband's parents died, he stepped right into their shoes! Guard against feeling pity for him. That is what he has probably relied on to keep you by his side. Wishing you the best!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Narcissistic Injury Horror Stories or
How You Done Him Wrong
.