8 Years of Betrayal
by Bronte Willows
One of the most difficult days of my life was when by husband was being hauled off to jail for child pornography and possible child solitation. My whole world flashed before me in a short period of time.
I learned quickly that his nature was the nature of a true narcissist. There were so many counts of lies that I found out over the last 8 years it was almost impossible to even get my head around it.
We were to be married in the Spring and a lady walked into my office and asked to speak with me. She asked me if I knew Johnny and I said "yes", he is actually my fiance and we are getting married in 5 days.
Well, much to my surprise Johnny had written Marcy a hot check and she wanted her money back. Since Johnny changed jobs Marcy needed to know where she could contact him.
Marcy proceeded to tell me that she had been dating Johnny for the last 6 months and even played me a voicemail Johnny had left her on Valentine's making up an excuse that he would not be able to see her and was very sorry but his friend Rob needed his help.
Prior to that whole incident, my boss walked into a client's office and saw a picture of Johnny and his son Joel on Susan's desk. She asked Susan if that was her family. She said this is my boyfriend Johnny and his son Joel.
Confrontation Time #1: My boss confronted Johnny and told him about the pictures she saw and wanted to know what was going on because she thought Johnny and I were dating and engaged.
Johnny made up some far fetched story that he hadn't been seeing her for several months and Susan was crazy. So, I contacted Susan and told her what Johnny said and of course she was hurt but was like "if you want him you can have him". (That should of been my first clue to run!)
Confrontation Time #2: After I spoke to Marcy I was livid and called Johnny on the phone. I was so sick to my stomach and our wedding was suppose to be in 5 days!
He denied ever dating this woman, yet she had pictures of his apartment, 49 text messages, and even played me a text message from Valentine's Day!
He managed to pull up some bogus police report stating she had prior arrests and was a psychopath. I couldn't handle it and called off the wedding. There were just too many things that did not add up!
For over a year, Johnny constantly called me and stalked me. One night we went on a date and were drinking and I got knocked up.
I found out I was pregnant in early January and he proposed to me in February and I finally decided to marry him in April.
I wasn't sure how I would get over the betrayal but turned it all over to God.
I felt I could and would do anything for my child to have a family life.
Confrontation #3: The police were knocking on the door at 6:30am. I went to open the front door and had a gun put to my forehead and I was yanked outside when 7 other weapons pointed on me. (I know NCIS was my favorite show, but this was a bit much!)
I was interrogated for about an hour, you see the attorney general's office thought I might be a part of human trafficing along with my husband.
My husband was into pornography but the reason they were there was child pornography and solicitation of a minor. I was completely blown away.
My house was being torn to shreds looking for evidence, my kitchen table was cleared and now fedreral computers were hooked up everywhere.
They wouldn't tell me what was going on and my baby girl Audrey, barely 4, kept asking "why are the police here?" Of course, they wouldn't tell me anything and kept saying "we will tell you when we can".
For the first hour or so, I was treated like a criminal and then there stance toward me changed. They told me in code since Audrey was in the room why they were there and I was so stunned I couldn't believe it.
What were you thinking and how did you get arrested for child pornography? The girl was 16 years old and sent him a naked picture and he sent her one as he was posing as a 17 year old.
This young girl was grounded when her mom found her phone. As if this wasn't enough, he dropped off another phone to her in a location where she could pick it up and not see him. They continued the cyber relationship.
Johnny thought he would help get this young girl out of trouble and sent her Mom an email from "our home" email account. He stated that he was the dad of this 17 year old boy and he apologized for his actions and there would be no more contact. The Mom turned it over to the police and it became a sting operation. Hence, he was arrested.
Confrontation#5: I contacted his best friend and family. None of them wanted to help him get out on bond.
I went to the jail and Johnny was very cold and demanded I get him out. He showed no remorse but kept saying, you get me out now. I told him "no" I don't have the money.
Confrontation#6: His daughter Missy called me and told me to leave him in jail. She couldn't believe what he had done. I told her I was so sorry that this had happened especially since she just learned of her father's existence 6 years ago. She said "what?" He was there when I was born.
Johnny had lied to me and told me that he didn't know about Missy until she was 13 years old. So for 8 years I believed this!
Confrontation#7: I spoke to his sister Martha and she was talking about his ex-wives and I said wait a minute, I thought I was his 3rd wife, am I not? She said "oh boy" I thought you knew, you are his 6th wife! Wow, that was a major shocker.
Wouldn't you be truthful about how many times you had been married to the person you are planning on spending the rest of your life with? Guess Not!
Confrontation#8. On Monday, following the Thursday arrest I get a phone call from Barbara and she said "Hi Cindy this is Barbara". I said "Barbara who?" Barbara said "I am Johnny's girlfriend". I said "oh really, I am his wife!"
She said, "no you aren't, you and Johnny have been divorced for five years now and he has full custody of Audrey because you didn't really want to be a Mom". Boy, I nearly lost it. I said, "really, is that so." She said, "Yes, Johnny said he loves me and we are planning on getting married." Hmnn...was all I could say. She was as shocked as I was to hear the news. At this point there wasn't much more that could stun me.
Confrontation#9: I confronted him in jail about Barbara and he told me they only had an online relationship and then she searched for him and showed up at his work. Well, according to her they had a relationship in a "full capacity". He told me she was a stalker with serious problems and there was "no relationship"!
A month passes and manipulation and guilt from his family persuaded me to have an attorney bond him out after a month in jail. I was moving back to the town I used to live in so I could start my job back and take care of my daughter Audrey.
Once he was out I didn't want to see him for a second but my child needed to see him. I allowed him to see her with my supervision. I went to tons of counseling during this time and am still in counseling.
I tried to reconcile with him for my daughter's sake since he claimed he was a changed man and God had showed him the right way to live his life.
Things just didn't feel right and I felt like he was just taking advantage of me. He slept on the couch and did nothing all day. I was concerned to leave my daughter with him but the counselors re-enforced that porn addicts typically stick with the same method of operation.
Finally, after months of prayer and unhappiness I asked him to move out. Well, now he became the victim. I kicked him out and he was homeless.
I didn't tell him to move out immediately, I told him to find a job and a place to live then move out. So, the drama began and all his new "church buddies" and everyone he came in contact with he shared that he was homeless, living out of his truck, and he was doing this all for his family.
The family he betrayed and abandoned for a 16 year old girl and a 38 year old woman.
Confrontation#10: He claimed he never told another lie since he got out of jail. So, I asked him what was the 16 year old's name and what did she look like. He told me he couldn't remember. (That was a total lie.) A relationship that ruined your marriage and life, and you can't remember the girl's name? (I didn't buy it.)
Month's passed and I contacted Barbara and asked her to describe Johnny to me. She was able to describe all of him. Johnny said I needed to quit believing a liar and start trusting my husband.
Barbara was still angry that he said that they didn't have a "real relationship". So, several weeks later she sent me a picture of his privates. It was a picture he had taken when Audrey was only 6 months old. I could tell by the house we lived in and her baby blanket was laying on the couch. Unbelieveable!
Confrontation#11: I asked about the picture. He tried to deny it. He said he never sent it to anyone, he took the picture and then deleted it. Then how did Barbara almost 4 years later have the picture!
We are getting a divorce but he refuses to believe it. He claims he will be married to me for life! Everyday it is a constant battle with this person.
This is just some of the instances I have dealt with over the last 8 years. NARCISSISTIC, what do you think?
Any advice is welcome. Totally ignoring him is probably the only way I will be able to survive. Any contact I have with him is just feeding his behavior.