A (very) Little About Me
I've had some experience with the Jezebel Spirit; 32 years to be exact.
For the first 28 of those years, I was somewhat (purposely) clueless to the problem that was in my family.
This person was someone that had come into my life when I was at a fairly young and impressionable age, someone I looked up to and loved, and I quickly became the classic narcissistic supply.
It seemed everyone in our family had 'a problem' except her, and at one time or another each individual was 'out to get her'.
Either they were jealous of her, never wanted her in the family, were projecting their own problems on to her, were 'rebellious' or were 'demon possessed' (a favorite fallback when she couldn't explain the problem any other way).
Defending her became a badge of honor for me; the more I defended her in all of her many battles, the more I became 'the golden child' - quite the opposite of the label I'd worn for most of my life.
It was an addictive feeling and an extremely hard pedestal to come down from.
From time to time I realized that I might have disagreed with her re-telling of a story (even though many times I was a part of the story, I rarely recognized it by the time she was done telling it), or I disagreed with how she might have handled a particular situation with a person that she was unhappy with, but I wisely knew not to challenge her.
I'd seen the consequences of disagreeing with her: everyone in her life was disposable.
She never let an opportunity slip to remind those in her circle of just how much she had done for everyone, how much she had sacrificed and how forgiving she was - to a point.
Once disposed of, her new enemy was fair game for bitter accusations and outright lies, and she seemed to relish the constant re-telling of every terrible thing that her enemy had done to her.
The day finally came for me when I realized I couldn't keep deceiving myself any longer. I knew that something was seriously wrong, and I had no more energy to keep trying to close Pandora's box.
I realized that the problem all of these years had not been with every single member of my family, her family and every friend and employer she'd ever had, but that the problem was with her.
Of course, no matter how lovingly one might try to help a narcissist see that they may be the common denominator in all of their interpersonal experiences, one should know beforehand that the undertaking will not go well.
And so I joined the ranks of other family members and friends who no longer existed in her life except as a cautionary tale to those still left in her circle.
But 'the truth will set you free' is no understatement.
Completely opposite of how I thought I would feel to be an outcast in her life, I immediately felt free and healthier.
Much to my amazement, I went on happily with my life, despite the fact that she'd been an irreplaceable fixture for most of it up to that point.
I still hadn't found the name for her problem, however, and the problem was far from over.
If there's one thing that Jezebel hates it is loss of control; when she pulls out her biggest weapon and dismisses you from her life, she is still in control if this causes you any consternation whatsoever.
If she senses that you are able to go on without her, she will be back for round two. Or forty-two.
When the silent treatment seemed to have no effect, the letters began; not only to me but to others in my family.
There were bold, capital letters, multiple exclamation points and vicious attacks against all of us, interspersed with self-pity and reminders of all she'd done for us over the years with not so much as a thank-you.
She could cry from her own goodness - and did.
As you can tell, I'm rarely at a loss for words and considered her letters to be an invitation for dialogue.
After several rounds of letters back and forth, I finally had to acknowledge what everyone else in my family had already recognized: the only reason a Jezebel will entertain any communication from you once you've become her sworn enemy, is to keep you in the game.
Another form of control.
Don't waste your time.
I agreed to disagree and she agreed to declare me Public Enemy Number One.
I moved on to researching this thing, without a clue where to start but determined I was going to get to the bottom of it all once and for all.
And this website is the end result of years of research, many books and almost a lifetime of personal experience.
Once I found the name for the problem, I quickly realized that there was a frustratingly meager amount of information 'out there' to help people dealing with this on an individual level, and of course my first reaction was that 'someone' should write a book/create a website about this.
'Someone' never came along, and so I decided to do it myself.
Which led me to a company called Site Build It!
If you will indulge me a few more minutes, I'd like to tell you a little more:
I’ve always known that I was an entrepreneur, probably from about the age of five years old when I picked some pretty flowers from the neighbor lady’s yard, then rang her doorbell to see if she would like to buy them.
Around that time I had my first lemonade stand; I was probably in business for all of two hours, had one customer, and when he paid me I didn’t know how much the coins were worth.
But the thrill of being my own boss was born.
Although I knew early on that I wasn’t cut out for a 9 to 5 job, life – as the saying goes – is what happens while you’re making other plans.
For the better part of 30 years, marriage, ‘real’ jobs and two babies kept me occupied, but the dream was never forgotten.
I threw myself wholeheartedly into many different MLM companies (among other things) over those years, yet never found the success or satisfaction that these very reputable companies offered; although I knew several friends and relatives who have had great success with this type of business opportunity it took me almost three decades to realize that I wasn’t cut out to be one of those people.
While this revelation was slowly dawning, at the same time I was convinced more than ever that I wanted – needed – to truly be my own boss.
The specifics were still vague, but I knew one thing: I was determined to be on the internet, somehow.
Is this you? Do you know that God has created you to be an entrepreneur, yet you’re realizing that you just don’t fit in to anything that’s out there?
Do you long to work from home, doing something that you’re passionate about?
If you can relate at all so far to this story, you might have felt what I felt: pure skepticism, tinged with hope (and mixed with envy), when I read about a 14 year old girl that had created a website about her family vacation and – seven years later – the website is still going, and still generating a couple of thousand dollars a month in revenue for her.
All with the help of a company called Site Build It.
She knew nothing at all about building a website, yet her website is the number one on the internet if you type in ‘Anguilla Beaches’.
Go ahead, check it out. I’ll wait. I won’t even give you the link.
But when you get to her site, click on the ‘about me’ button at the top, and read her quick story.
Having been disappointed so many times before, I set out to either prove this story untrue, or prove that it wasn’t for me.
Happily – although I tried - I could do neither.
Instead, I found a ten year old company that has been consistently over-delivering on their promise: to give me all of the tools that I could possibly need and walk me, step-by-step - in plain English – (I don’t even have to know what HTML means. Ever.) through building my own website.
Everything – including web hosting – all in one package.
Their course is taught in 30 different universities nationwide. But I’m doing it from home, all at my own pace.
I’ve finally found something that I can get passionate about.
Everyone knows something about something. Why not build a website about YOUR passions and interests?
By the way: the nice neighbor lady did buy the flowers from me, but my mother made me give the money back.
And the flowers.
But now that I’ve found Site Build It!, there’s no way that I’m giving it back.
If you'd like to know more,
check out Site Build It!
P.S. Thank you to all of you who've taken the time to write and let me know that this website has helped you; it's a work in progress, far from done, but extremely gratifying.
And thank you Site Build It!