Abuse from a powerful narcissistic father

My parents divorced when I was a four year old boy.

He basically disentangled himself from my sister and I; he hated my mother because her father was a wealthy man, and because of her status.

My mother had to ask him to visit us, and force him to take us out on Sundays. He remarried twice, and had two boys with his second wife.

With his third wife he never had any.

One day, about thirty years ago, he confessed to me he had done a vasectomy as he didn't want to have any more children.

His wife is of oriental extraction, and I assume that he didn't want to have oriental looking children as he considers himself an Aryan.

She has been a victim of his relentless verbal abuse and humiliations for over forty years. A true codependant.

Back to me. Im 55, and from an early age I was gay.

I was looking for a partner that would give me the support I lacked. As I was growing up, I went to college in another country (paid by mother), and graduated with a BA and an MA.

I remember asking him on many occasions for his advice, and all he would do, as he sat across his desk, was look at me and sneer.

He would not forward any advise. In time I realized he wanted me to fail.

Whenever I achieved any success in my professional life, he would gloat, but when I failed, he railed against me with vitriolic virulence.

I've always felt he enjoyed seeing me fail. I had to reccur to the fathers of friends to get advise, or support in instances when I required the backing of someone with power to resolve an issue.

My two brothers grew up and became lawyers. They joined his successful law firm, and he made them rich.

He has already transferred in life all his assets to his other two sons, to the detriment of my sister and I.

Anyhow, during these last forty years our relationship has been distant, and he never loses the opportunity to degrade me, and finally, at 89, he called me a failure, a frustrated man, resentful, envious and all kind of names.

He manipulates his children, pitting one against the other, to the point that now no one barely speaks to the other.

His wife cries everyday from the verbal abuses he heaps on her.

He favored one of his sons, the evil and conniving one, against the other, and forced the latter, a good simpleton, out of his law firm in order to give the law firm entirely to the evil one.

The evil one, let's call him Julio, is a master of deception, betrayal, corrupt to the marrow.

The other, is a good decent guy.

As a Christian, I found the Lord back in 1986, and I have walked my Christian path with the help of my mother.

She was also an abuser, a narcissist, for whom I feel pity.

She has alzheimers now, and I really don't feel much for her, but pity and compassion.

She abused me while I was growing up, to the point where many times I contemplated suicide.

As all this was happening, my father managed to remain aloof. They had already been separated for a long time.

In recent years I felt the need to understand his changing moods. Why he would outcast me from his favor without any reason whatsoever.

I recalled my mother telling me that he was a narcissist, but then I thought of this as merely meaning that he admired himself for his good looks.

I did not realize it was a mental condition.

Now that I have read your articles, and many books, he fits perfectly in the category of a narcissistic sociopath.

What are they in his case?

1. Verbal abuse against those who slight him.

2. Open to gossip and switch alliances from one child to the other in the blink of an eye.

3. Amazing vindictiveness, use of harsh words, giving the cold shoulder.

4. Ignoring you when you are in the worst of situations: legal problems, divorce, economic hardship, loneliness, depression, unemployment, loss of a loved one, uncertainty.

5. Enjoying seeing you fail, putting you down with horrible epiteths, degrading you, humiliating you, giving you the cold shoulder, not calling for months, years.

6. Favoring one child over the other, particularly he who does evil and corrupt things, those he did not dare do because he was afraid to.

7. Using his political capital to condone the evil acts of his evil son.

8. Lambasting me for a minor or inconsequential mistake when I was a teenager or a child, this with astonishing cruelty.

9. Degrading me so that I would lose my self confidence.

10. Criticizing your friends, putting down your social accomplishments, and then years later praising these precise accomplishments when his evil son would reach them.

11. Degrading his wife, wives.

12. Inability to maintain friends. He is now alone, no one visits him.

13. Punishing me and my sister by leaving us a fraction of his estate, as he has included people in his will that don't need it, only to come out looking like the great benefactor.

Passing his properties to his evil son while alive.

He has an obsession with this man, for some reason I suspect that there must be a dark secret in their relationship, or is it that they are both similar in the spiritual sense?

13. Belief that he is a good, honest man. He is above reproach, considers himself a good man!

14. Manipulates his family like he manipulated politics in his country. A true power broker.

15. Played the role of a man interested in social justice, revolutionary, honest, a Robin Hood type; only to turn around years later to show his true colors by showering those that "made it" in business through devious practices.

A total turn around from what he espoused years before.

This is why I say he used a posture of honesty only to gain a niche in the political war going on in my country at that particular point in history.

15. Aloof, expresses disdain and contempt. Lack of true humbleness and Christian love.

Though he helps some poor people, he does this to gain recognition and ease his conscience. He is very concerned with how others will judge him, or better still, how history will judge him.

16. Total disdain for God. Considers Christianity a farce, has no spiritual light.

Uses Christ's teachings to tell me to forgive my sister for robbing all of my mother's assets.

Employs subtle reverse Psychology to manipulate you.

17.Has NO empathy, no compassion. His mood swings with the wind. Incapable of true love, or constant loyalty towards anyone. Self centered. Abusive.

These are merely the tip of the iceberg of his personality. What I find most disturbing is how he manipulates his family, and the harm he has done to all that have lived with him in their lives. A truly scary man.

Is my father a narcissist? I believe so.

Is he evil? I also believe so.

He has made me suffer more than anyone, as I tried to please him, and he used this to veer me towards self destruction in other so that his other son would rise.

I practically changed my life in order to gain his acceptance, only to see him now salute what he labeled as my "failures" as the great achievements of his preferred son.

This preferred son is a master blackmailer, an opportunist, a trafficker of influences, who has used my father's prestige to become super rich and a player in the politics of my country, the most corrupt piece of real estate in the world!

One last pearl indicative of his personality: When my brothers fought because the evil one just out did himself in his robbery of the firms's finances, my father kicked my good brother out, and gave the other one the firm.

They went after my good brother with a vengeance.

Recently, the latter landed a very good legal case.

The opposing side hired two mercenaries to threaten his life, and guess who was the intermediary? The evil brother.

And who knew about it? My father. In other words, my father condoned terrorizing one of his sons in order for the other to make a couple of million dollars as the "resolver" of the legal case.

Last month the wife of my good brother died of breast cancer in NYC.

My father convinced Satan's seed to fly up in order to be with his brother in his hour of need.

After three years of not speaking and of doing everything to discredit and destroy my good brother, this guys shows up at the hospital.

The wife, who was tubed up, almost chocked to death when he entered the room.

This whole charade of repentance was only that, a charade, with the purpose of neutralizing my growing influence with my good brother (who is a pure boy, no malice nor a bad bone in his body).

But most importantly, it was all concocted by my father in order to unite them once again, and reestablish the codependent relationship of abuse and exploitation that benefited only the evil brother.

What my father wants is for my good brother to shut down his law firm and not be any competition for the evil one, as the one who carries my father's name is the good one!!!

The whole trip was just another move of my father to benefit the evil one once again, with no regard whatsoever to the poor woman dying of cancer, whose life he made a living hell during her last four years in this planet.

Can someone please tell me if I am wrong or crazy?