I was introduced by a friend to a newly divorced prof last year at a well-known private university in my native Nashville, TN.
Hadn't dated in a long time, opting to be a full-time single parent instead.
My "friend" at the time told me, "men like him don't stay single long." I had reservations. He was foreign,(first husband was German 20 yrs earlier and very arrogant, abusive, I divorced him after 7 years.) This one seemed humble.
Discussed his "nervousness" around being with me, talked about the daughter, had a cute new puppy. Seemed balanced, together. We laughed. Alot.
Went on long walks in the park and talked and laughed and got lost. Old soul mutual charm
Took it slow, with my eyes wide open.
3 Wks in, the three little words. Him first. Then me. Chemistry off the charts. I got the "God, is this how it's supposed to be?" speech. Boyish charm, romantic type.
The planned intimate rendezvous end of 2nd month. The day was "set" when kids were with the other parent. It was all very "consciously discussed" stuff. He calls the morning of to make sure I am coming. I say yes. I get there, he seems pre-occupied, bothered.
I tell him I'm in no hurry here, and if he wants space that day it's OK. He says no, it's legal stuff with the ex-wife, and he wants me to stay. That's 9 am. Noontime we are drinking wine and cooking. We eat lunch. Then it gets very passionate. I am up against the dining room wall passionate. It's hurry upstairs passionate. It's I can't keep my hands off you passionate.
Upstairs, all bets are on, all clothes are off, everything is "in practise motion", then he stops cold. "I need to talk to you about something," he says to me. My antenna go up with my concern. He seemed to be having some "performance-related" issues, so I thought he might want to discuss this out of discomfort.
I tried to be loving and compassionate. Then he says, "I am not doing this today. I don't really know you well enough. I haven't told my daughter about you. And I haven't gone to the pharmacy."
I sat in utter confusion for a few moments, trying not to shut down. Then quietly, I said "why did you wait until we got to this moment to say this? I gave you the opportunity when I first got here this morning to abandon this, we have talked about this several times prior to this. Why now?"
His response to me as he lays on his side close to me is, "you simply misunderstood..." He said it with a smile on his face. I lay there, feeling humiliated, shocked, vulnerable in this man's bed with my clothes strewn about. He then says, "where are you going (mentally)?"
I finally get my courage up, ask him to hand me my clothes while I sit up, rummage around for my other things on my side of the room. He hands them to me.
I go get dressed in the bathroom, and he puts on shorts, follows me downstairs, and says first, "don't go like this", then says, "will you call me later?" I looked at him in shock and amazement, weakly said, "no, I'm not doing that." I left.
He texts me for three days after, never apologizing, but tries to "make it up to me" when I let him come over to talk, by telling me he has "something in his pocket." (a condom) While my Son was just up the stairs. I tell him, "no I don't need to see what's in your pocket." He says, "well, I try to make it up to you" in his faltering German accent.
L on my forehead, but in love, we work this one thru. We re-plan the moment. This time consummate it.
Together two days straight, except to have him take me home I had some things to take care of, and shower. Later he picks me up, and asks "where were you going earlier?"
Like it honestly concerned him. I teased, said "I can't tell you all my secrets can I?" ( I went to the grocery for cat food) It bothered him... These two days were a little uncomfortable at times because of the newness of everything.
He did have "Man" problems, tells me to "give him time," I'm perfectly fine with it. Overall, things were pretty good between us at this juncture. We seemed to be building some trust and intimacy. Part 2 coming up