Here's how to get even with a narcissist

by ellie
(united kingdom)

I have just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with a narcissist.

I didn't even know what one was until a few weeks ago and alot of internet research.

The thing with these people is their behaviour can also mimic control freak behavior which is different the clever ass i was with done this: let me think he was a control freak with low self esteem and depression and whatever he could do to get sympathy from me and i fell 4 it.

I am a middle aged woman, I own my own business, car and house.

When I met him my ex husband was ill. My ex husband was a good man; we had 12 years of marriage and 3 children.

We got divorced but remained close and shared the kids. Anyway, I was out in a club one nite with friends and looking back now with hindsite I think he targeted me,he just seemed to appear,he wasn't even my type and I didn't want a relationship,he was very charming and we started dating.

I found out a few weeks later that my ex was dying and at first well so I thought he was sympathetic.

He always seemed to play victim tho when I had a prob he was ill or depressed. I should of looked more closely but was worried about my kids he was so jealous of them.

The first date we went on a girl keep pushing into me and started an argument outside club the doormen had to step in he hid round corner.

It turns out he'd dumped her 2 weeks b4 meeting me after being with her 4 a year. She got revenge tho - she got engaged 2 his best mate and he got binned off both ways ha ha.

Anyway as things progressed I had a terrible gut feeling if I spoke 2 anybody I got third degree.

When I danced he'd scream in my face in front of everybody and go home text me asking who I had in my bed, would walk down road shouting c*** and bastard at top of his voice,the list goes on.

I used to feel sorry 4 him,he lost his job thru abuse and lived off me 4 3 months I asked him 2 lend me 40 pound his reply was fancy asking a man on the dole 4 money.

I could handle him till my ex was dying then his true evilness started.

I can never comprehend how anybody can be so evil that's what really affects me most. My ex had a few weeks to live so we brought him home from hossy so he could be with his children.

Our youngest child is ten our grief was terrible and I couldn't cope with my childrens pain.

He caused an argument and didn't speak 2 me 4 a week, xmas week I got the texts and let him back.

The day my ex died I got a fone call in morn. We were in bed he got up went home and turned his fone off whilst I at with my kids.

I drove up 2 his that nite he was sat in pub with his daughter having a good time.

He came to the funeral and after told his daughter my ex used 2 beat me up.

I was that low after that and still didn't see it.

I just thought he could't cope with me and my son's grief.

A few weeks after he talked me into moving in with him and was very interested in my finances.

He didn't like it when I said mind your own business.

He knew my weakness was my youngest son. I was very protective of him. Where I went he went.

My son stayed at his nans one nite and becoz he wanted sex and I said no he turned around and said he didn't give a shit about my son.

I punched his lights out - he was a mess. I was horrified that I could do that and went 4 counseling.

With hindsite now, he was the victim me the abuser and he knew my son was the button 2 press.

I only got 2 three sessions of counseling; he kept me that busy i 4got appointments.

The headgames got worse after that he used to throw me and my child out and lock the doors.

I was knocking to get in and I saw him hiding in the kitchen. He wouldn't open the door.

He used 2 ignore me and change his numb then he changed his tactics.

He wouldn't tell me 2 get out; he'd say 'your choice 2 leave'.

In other words: I can abuse you as much as I want and its your choice to leave.

The week silences were the worst.

Anyway, after calling me a c*** and going 2 germany with his mates 4 a few days, I went snooping and found out he'd been married 3 times.

His unreasonable behaviour was proven so I foned him and told him he couldn't wriggle out of it.

I unmasked him.

Then he got nasty.

He got home. I made sure my son was at my friends and I could feel the tension coming off him, so I said 2 him you're a weak bully who abuses women behind closed doors and he was useless.

He stormed out.

I had all my stuff out of the house.

These arseholes love money and they do love their possessions - not living ones tho.

I poured the entire chipan on the bed and covered it with quilt, and his beloved bike (which I paid 4) I poured sugar in the tank and tipped bin over in kitchen and left.

I feel so much better now I know what he is.

He got nastier when I started realising what he really was.

I pray to God I never come across another one of these in my life.

And my heart goes out to anybody who lives with one.

A normal loving person cannot understand an unhealthy mind unless they educate themselves.

He used sadistic mental torture techniques on me.

The next victim may not be so lucky.

ellie