Here's how to get even with a narcissist

by ellie
(united kingdom)

I have just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with a narcissist.

I didn't even know what one was until a few weeks ago and alot of internet research.

The thing with these people is their behaviour can also mimic control freak behavior which is different the clever ass i was with done this: let me think he was a control freak with low self esteem and depression and whatever he could do to get sympathy from me and i fell 4 it.

I am a middle aged woman, I own my own business, car and house.

When I met him my ex husband was ill. My ex husband was a good man; we had 12 years of marriage and 3 children.

We got divorced but remained close and shared the kids. Anyway, I was out in a club one nite with friends and looking back now with hindsite I think he targeted me,he just seemed to appear,he wasn't even my type and I didn't want a relationship,he was very charming and we started dating.

I found out a few weeks later that my ex was dying and at first well so I thought he was sympathetic.

He always seemed to play victim tho when I had a prob he was ill or depressed. I should of looked more closely but was worried about my kids he was so jealous of them.

The first date we went on a girl keep pushing into me and started an argument outside club the doormen had to step in he hid round corner.

It turns out he'd dumped her 2 weeks b4 meeting me after being with her 4 a year. She got revenge tho - she got engaged 2 his best mate and he got binned off both ways ha ha.

Anyway as things progressed I had a terrible gut feeling if I spoke 2 anybody I got third degree.

When I danced he'd scream in my face in front of everybody and go home text me asking who I had in my bed, would walk down road shouting c*** and bastard at top of his voice,the list goes on.

I used to feel sorry 4 him,he lost his job thru abuse and lived off me 4 3 months I asked him 2 lend me 40 pound his reply was fancy asking a man on the dole 4 money.

I could handle him till my ex was dying then his true evilness started.

I can never comprehend how anybody can be so evil that's what really affects me most. My ex had a few weeks to live so we brought him home from hossy so he could be with his children.

Our youngest child is ten our grief was terrible and I couldn't cope with my childrens pain.

He caused an argument and didn't speak 2 me 4 a week, xmas week I got the texts and let him back.

The day my ex died I got a fone call in morn. We were in bed he got up went home and turned his fone off whilst I at with my kids.

I drove up 2 his that nite he was sat in pub with his daughter having a good time.

He came to the funeral and after told his daughter my ex used 2 beat me up.

I was that low after that and still didn't see it.

I just thought he could't cope with me and my son's grief.

A few weeks after he talked me into moving in with him and was very interested in my finances.

He didn't like it when I said mind your own business.

He knew my weakness was my youngest son. I was very protective of him. Where I went he went.

My son stayed at his nans one nite and becoz he wanted sex and I said no he turned around and said he didn't give a shit about my son.

I punched his lights out - he was a mess. I was horrified that I could do that and went 4 counseling.

With hindsite now, he was the victim me the abuser and he knew my son was the button 2 press.

I only got 2 three sessions of counseling; he kept me that busy i 4got appointments.

The headgames got worse after that he used to throw me and my child out and lock the doors.

I was knocking to get in and I saw him hiding in the kitchen. He wouldn't open the door.

He used 2 ignore me and change his numb then he changed his tactics.

He wouldn't tell me 2 get out; he'd say 'your choice 2 leave'.

In other words: I can abuse you as much as I want and its your choice to leave.

The week silences were the worst.

Anyway, after calling me a c*** and going 2 germany with his mates 4 a few days, I went snooping and found out he'd been married 3 times.

His unreasonable behaviour was proven so I foned him and told him he couldn't wriggle out of it.

I unmasked him.

Then he got nasty.

He got home. I made sure my son was at my friends and I could feel the tension coming off him, so I said 2 him you're a weak bully who abuses women behind closed doors and he was useless.

He stormed out.

I had all my stuff out of the house.

These arseholes love money and they do love their possessions - not living ones tho.

I poured the entire chipan on the bed and covered it with quilt, and his beloved bike (which I paid 4) I poured sugar in the tank and tipped bin over in kitchen and left.

I feel so much better now I know what he is.

He got nastier when I started realising what he really was.

I pray to God I never come across another one of these in my life.

And my heart goes out to anybody who lives with one.

A normal loving person cannot understand an unhealthy mind unless they educate themselves.

He used sadistic mental torture techniques on me.

The next victim may not be so lucky.

ellie

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Apr 22, 2014
3 Years & NO MORE NEW
by: Anonymous

I have just left my husband of 3 years, we were together for about 9.I am an intelligent woman mid 50's and suddenly saw the light, 6 months ago, and decided to plan my escape.He always put me down and everything was my fault 100%, i could do nothing right, he hated my family and friends and isolated me and took complete control of the finances to the extent of handing me £20 in the bank for ? pocket money.He would ROAR and shout at me constantly, i had no friends where i lived and no job and no car.I remember talking to a friend when he was out and saying to her "i think he is twisting things" all she said was "Hallelujah" from then on i knew i had to leave.I was dyeing inside from being away from family and friends, and being manipulated by him.He has been told recently he is Narcisstic, but will not beleave.He eventually started to turn violent, and bruising my body, so a friend paid my fare and helped me escape.I got a job and have a safe place to live and i can see my friends family when i like. Get out now all of you, who know this is happening to them, even if you suspect he is this character type, i know i should of got out sooner, but love got in the way, and a narrcissist.

Apr 14, 2014
Narcissist is too hard to spell NEW
by: Anonymous

Good post. Using 4 instead of for is a little bit annoying. Anyways, the damn narcissist bastards don't know they're douches, so telling them that gives them victim mentality, what you have to do is just simply cut them off. Don't talk to them, don't argue with them, just don't encourage them.

Apr 14, 2014
Narcissist is too hard to spell NEW
by: Anonymous

Good post. Using 4 instead of for is a little bit annoying. Anyways, the damn narcissist bastards don't know they're douches, so telling them that gives them victim mentality, what you have to do is just simply cut them off. Don't talk to them, don't argue with them, just don't encourage them.

Mar 10, 2014
Hey Ellie! Sorry you went through that, & everyone else, too.
by: Angie

Mine is an inlaw. This POS kept (piece of s#it) kept it pretty well hidden until this year. Then I could out he was a narcissist undiagnosed. Fits every bit of the criteria with overlapping psychopath tendencies and OCD.

This b#stard is ruthless. As you know, no compassion, a gee-dee liar, you name it. But he tries to act like he's the best and most worthwhile man in the universe.

He's in his 50s and living alone, and is the most selfish thing in this world. A liar, a gossip, a true user and abuser of anyone trusting enough to try to be nice to him.

I wish this POS nothing but the worst. I have always tried to be a decent human being, and never in my life have I felt the hatred and loathing I feel for this abuser. He's trash and garbage. The most arrogant, haughty, lying thing you could ever imagine. I truly do hate that person.

Feb 23, 2014
it will never change
by: Anonymous

I have been with one for 16 years I am told everyday I am worthless stupid and a whore he has almost killed me twice put cigarettes out on me try to sleep with my friends in my face and tell me its none of my business how many women he talks to and I should know my place sometimes I feel like I dont want to live anymore I cry everyday I tried to leave him and lost my job my home I went back and its worse I hope that young girls read this and get out of their situation it doesn't get any better

Jan 12, 2014
I know what you went through
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I didn't know what a was dealing with until 3 yrs later. He file false protective order to keep me from finding out the other women, and then come back to apologize, and only to threaten me again after I realize this bastard must be crazy. It hurts and i'm reading on this matter to help me cope, but my eyes are open wide. This man did so much evil that I said this is not normal, I mean I have dealt with creeps in my life, but this was different and coming from a monster.

Jan 12, 2014
Child abuse by design
by: Anonymous

To remind all those with morals and to all those who love all children, that this David J. Glass Esq. PhD would giggle & laugh at me while waiting to see the judge. Shortly after this attached letter dated 2-12-2012 was received by the community of Malibu, CA this David J. Glass Esq. PhD conspired to injure a 3rd party (myself) , suborned perjury and falsified evidence just before he closed down his practice and went to FMBK Law.The CA State Bar has just received a 2nd complaint regarding this matter.


Jan 04, 2014
wow, i'm learning
by: Anonymous

thanks you for all the comments.it was very helpful.i'm coming out of two and a half yrs of this type of relationship and i'm thankful to god, to my pastors, to my family etc for their help. i have a eight months old son with him. the law court is dealing with that because i get no support, from conception to now, from him. emotionally, i am picking up the pieces and adhering to my pastors' advice,ignore him,leave him alone.

Dec 28, 2013
PLEASE PLEASE HOW DO I LEAVE !! Feeling insane
by: Robin

OMG I am so so happy to find this page and wow !!!!! My sanity is seriously at a end , I'm torn between suicide ( becuz I cannot take the rage which is never ending while he's being a drama queen I Invision blowing my brains out ). JK We all know he'd just get angry and yell at my dead body that I did not even do that right !!! We have been together 20 years ... about 5 years. ago he decided that it was my turn to support him and quit his job !!! I've been through so much and I cannot. Take it anymore!! But I can't leave. , he tellse to leave but when I try to leave he grabs my phone gonna destroy it then Every Time strangles me most times till I pass out then screams at me to apologize for making him do it !!!

Nov 06, 2013
What happened
by: Anonymous

I have not been in contact with the man I thought was my soulmate. He left me after me getting out off a terrible financial situation . Owes me a fortune , which I try very hard every day to rise above . It's been 3 months . He changed his number as my anger got the better off me and I made a complete fool off myself . He had moved on to another girl probably months before I knew . I contacted her hurt and frustrated . Only to be told she had heard all about me and I needed to let go . That I had serious issues and possibly OCD !!! This resulted in me texting up to 30 texts off anger in one day distraught . They got me arrested . I'm 41 a good mum with a good life and amazing friends thank god !!!! Iv received counselling for my self esteem. He came back to my door to tell me he loved me had no feelings for this other girl . I almost let him back in !!! To be told he d never left her by a friend and is still with her . I fight every day not to go and have my closure as it would only be twisted and most likely only hurt me . I'm working on being content and happy to be out off the blackest time off my life . Thank you for all your blogs they keep me sane and most importantly keep me from contacting him

Oct 21, 2013
To Thought I was going crazy
by: Trying to get out

My God! I just got out from a relationship with a narcissist and I see everything in here. The mental games, the disappearing acts; the money issues and the birthdays! My narcissist "fell in love with me immediately and specially after discovering I was an attorney. Everything was fine at the beginning and then he started to get mad whenever we didn't do his will or I asked him to do something I wanted. Then started the lies; the disappearing acts; the blaming me for everything; the making me keep swallow how I felt because otherwise it was going to be a world war. My birthday came up and he didn't show up. He came up with an excuse about him going thru a financial problem and ge felt worthless, like he couldn't give me anything. Then he made me feel sorry for him. I waited sone time and it was always the same; how he was going thru so much that he couldn't give me what I deserve and that he needed time to get back on his feet. However outside of the relationship he seemed fine. I try to be understanding and supportive until I couldn't take it anymore. When I tried to break up with him he wouldn't let me. He would call and let the phone ring once or twice so I would have to call him. Then when I called him he wouldn't return my call. He was, is driving me crazy and even though I try to break it I always end up feeling sorry for him because he's sick. It's so disturbing that I think they get inside you to control you. On one hand I want to run away but then I feel it's my duty as a christian to love him and not abandon him. I don't know what to do.

Oct 08, 2013
Sounds like me
by: Anonymous

Wow sounds familar my youngest son was also the trigger and I also beat him one night, not very proud of myself. The best thing I did for revenge was to not have any contact, my friends eventually worked him out and some of his also. That is his weakness being alone, since we live in a small area he will be very lonley as most don't want anything more to do with him. It is still hard at times as I find it hard to trust but will improve where he won't :)

Sep 21, 2013
Thought I was going crazy...
by: Anonymous

I just pulled the plug! I knew this guy for about 5 yrs. The 1st 6-8 mo were ok, except for the flying red flags. I saw them and made mental note. He set the premise as we dated, then wanted to be exclusive. I went along cautiously. His behavior changed. Out of the blue he wanted space. We all know what that means. He got his space. Then the lies and excuses followed. He drank to medicate not socialize, every night. Out of no where, for no reason, he'd fly into a outburst of rage, clinched fists, veins in his neck, jumping up and down, screaming accusations and blame. The mental shock alone took days to recover. At first I thought it was my fault. The outburst became more frequent and verbally abusive. A year and a half later, he was becoming meaner, a bully. I called it off several times. Then I'd get the nice phone call, as if nothing happened. I started keeping notes and soon enough, I knew it wasn't me. I started keeping my distance to start my disconnection process. Then I heard about narcisstic passive aggressive behavior. My ex would be considered a extreme pathological narcisstic pass. aggressive. He'd assume and twist something he misunderstood and play victim, blaming others, degrading, name calling, no filter, no bounderies, constant complaining and whining. I last saw him last June. Within 2 weeks He took the time to email me accusing me of the same crap he made up years ago. I'm glad I waited to read it because I would have been in his face with guns ablazin. Instead, I decided to put it aside and reply later. I replied advising him that his behavior was not acceptable for a middle aged man, he should step up and own his actions. 5 years and never did he ever acknowledge my birthday, Christmas, holidays. Everytime I called him out on something, the angrier he got. On 2 occasions, he turned and literally ran out the door and took off to avoid confrontation. I wasn't playing the game anymore.
I've never been put through such a emotional and mental rollercoaster ride. I've been through the worst part, now it can only get better one day at a time.
Hang in there ladies.

Mar 04, 2013
he talks about me everywhere
by: Anonymous

Ive been in a relationship with him 4 3 yrs and we havw a 1 yr old son . I figured out who he was after reading about these ppl . I started having friends and im friends with his friend who took us in with our baby when we had no place to stay . He moved out 9 months after i moved . He fought with this guy before leaving . I use to tell this guy about him but he dnt beleave me till he did the same things to him . He refuses to buy milk 4 his baby and his friend helps me to support his baby. He told me that he will never support his baby since its not his and when i was pregnent he even told me he wishes the baby can die when we had a fight after asking him 4 money to buy matenity wear . Lately he called one of my woman friends telling her that im sleeping with his friend and that i left him 4 his friend coz he has no money and his friend has money .he claims to be a christian and we go to the same church and at church he passes our son like he does not know him . He even accused my woman friend of knowing that im sleeping with his friend and she is keeping the truth from her on purpose

Feb 22, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

I am so pleased to read all these comments and stories about woman experiencing the same relationship. I am 27 and have two sons. I was with my ex N for two years. I to hav experienced them using my sons as bait to get at me. Mine used mental mind games to get my children to panic by saying he was leaving them so they would beg him to stay. I found out time and time again about all the other woman he had but I kept goin back. Then all of a sudden I knew there was something wrong with him so I started lookin up disorders. He kept telling me I was the one that was crazy and would throw me against the wall and strangle me. He told me if I left he would get my sons taken off me. I again took him bac an stayed. Then things got really bad, he devalued me yet when I kept asking what was wrong and what I had done he just kept saying it was my fault he wasn't Loving because I was sl paranoid. I found out and found msges and pictures of other woman in he's phone and he told me I need to get over it do we can get passed it. Again after dancing back an fourth breaking up an gettin bac together id had enough. He was destroying my sons an myself. My hair fell out, I lost 10 kilos and was on pills for anxiety. I exposed him to everyone and he moved towns. He still is contacting me tryin to get me to move with him so we can try again. It's the most exhausting thing mentally Iv ever experienced. I'm now so scared of meeting anyone like him Iv shut ppl out. My sons still cry for him n ask where he's gone. All I can say is my heart really goes out to anyone who has been a victim of these ppl cos u truly dont understand till you've been threw it. They never go away and they never leave u alone. It's torture.

Feb 22, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

I am so pleased to read all these comments and stories about woman experiencing the same relationship. I am 27 and have two sons. I was with my ex N for two years. I to hav experienced them using my sons as bait to get at me. Mine used mental mind games to get my children to panic by saying he was leaving them so they would beg him to stay. I found out time and time again about all the other woman he had but I kept goin back. Then all of a sudden I knew there was something wrong with him so I started lookin up disorders. He kept telling me I was the one that was crazy and would throw me against the wall and strangle me. He told me if I left he would get my sons taken off me. I again took him bac an stayed. Then things got really bad, he devalued me yet when I kept asking what was wrong and what I had done he just kept saying it was my fault he wasn't Loving because I was sl paranoid. I found out and found msges and pictures of other woman in he's phone and he told me I need to get over it do we can get passed it. Again after dancing back an fourth breaking up an gettin bac together id had enough. He was destroying my sons an myself. My hair fell out, I lost 10 kilos and was on pills for anxiety. I exposed him to everyone and he moved towns. He still is contacting me tryin to get me to move with him so we can try again. It's the most exhausting thing mentally Iv ever experienced. I'm now so scared of meeting anyone like him Iv shut ppl out. My sons still cry for him n ask where he's gone. All I can say is my heart really goes out to anyone who has been a victim of these ppl cos u truly dont understand till you've been threw it. They never go away and they never leave u alone. It's torture.

Feb 03, 2013
wow
by: ellie

hello ladies this is a blast from the past,and i love the strength you are showing by sharing your stories.i remmember well what its like being at the mercy of these cruel men.but i want you,s to no once you get rid of them completely and it is very hard,and i woudnt bother even getting in touch or speaking to people that no him it just brings painful memories to the surface and halts your recovery.and believe me you will recover.i still cant believe how i got through those dark days,and so will you.6 months after i left 4 good i was a drunken mess,but i educated myself on personality disorders and slowly picked myself up.you are normal there not,always remember that.once you,ve been away from them 4 a while your mind returns to normal,and your peace of mind.i am very happy to say i met a wonderful man last year who loves and adores me and my sons,i gave him a dogs life the first 6 months because i didnt believe a thing he said and thats the damage narrcissists leave behind but good people repair that.and there are a lot of good people out there.all my love to you ladies you are strong enough to get through this and if i can help any of you in any way or answer any questions please just ask.good luck.xxxxxxxx

Jan 23, 2013
Thanks Elie for sharing!! kudos to you!!
by: Anonymous

Wow!!! Kudos to have the guts to write abput this n encourage spo many to do so. The narcisist I'm dealing with sounds like this one! We were going out n when my mom had cancer told him I needed a break for a bit. In less than a month he got engaged to somebody else. He would occasionally call me n even had the audacity to try to borrow money from me to buy his new girlfriend a ring. The new girlfriend by the way is a raging alcoholic whom he keeps boozed up. She's a total bully, flirts with other guys in front of him n has him pay for her bills. This guy never took me anywhere other than McD's to eat. He even has me over n then says he's had plans n leaves. He's great at bullshiting n plays victim as to always helping out everybody n borrowing money. He's a total cheap ass n always whines about not having cash. As far as sex...he gives acct by acct of what he wants done n has an obsession with being pissed on n peeing. He's addicted to adderall n claims to get depressed. Yes, the story sounds very familiar. He does have serious self esteem issues n whines a lot!! Luckily for me....I found this out now not later. He also claims that the ex girlfriend stalks him or tries to make him jealous!! Now what I suspect was trying to get me to come over during the week instead of the weekend so he can keep it free. Now I'm on to him n will vow to get even with him. I'm done with him now!! No girl should ever have to deal with a man who is dishonest n incapable of loving. On behalf of women everywhere I will let him feel the sting pof messing with the wrong girl!! I've already become friends with some of his closest friends who have told me that he's a womanizer n not to ever lend him money!! These guys are control freaks n the best way to get even is to take control away from them!! The tables are turning on this asshole very very soon!! We are all beautiful women inside n out. How dare these type of men try to have us question our self esteem n who we are! I promise to post the aftermath of everything on here as well. Oh and I like Elie have kids as well. He even asked if I would move closer to him so he wouldn't have to drive so far!! Not happening!! Won't have his drama at my doorstep anymore!! He definitely messed with the wrong girl this time!! No doubt about that!!

Oct 03, 2012
went out with one
by: Anonymous

thank you so much for your story - I ignore him without giving any attitute and it makes him so upset. I got tired of being treated like a toy, he would be nice to me when he wanted to be and then pushed me to the side of the curb like an old appliance. He inturned friended my friends on FB and all they see is a nice guy and he makes me look like I am obsessed with him and stalkerish...which I am not. I am hurt and was confused about what the heck was going on with our relationship when all I did was love him. urg I was so frustrated....but now I know it wasn't me and he wasn't normal. hugs

Oct 29, 2010
Unmasking
by: Aunt Bee

Ellie

You discovered Point Number One:

These people get very touchy indeed when someone has the audacity to notice the imperfections and to actually COMMENT on them.

Their biggest fear is being unmasked, and being seen for who they really are - and they will make you pay for it.

Of course, their second biggest fear is when they realize they've met their match.


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