I caught him before it was too late

Four years ago, after attending a spiritual retreat for students of my high school, it came to my attention that a fellow student on the retreat wrote a couple songs about me.

In these songs he professed his love, told me to "fill in the blanks" about how much he cared, and expressed his resentment that I would be going away from LA to attend college at UC Berkeley.

The strange thing was that I barely knew the guy.

I couldn't be sure that the song was written about me or not, so I decided to send him an email expressing how I was impressed by his musical talent.

He never responded through writing, but only in another song. On the rare occasion that I'd see him at an event he would resist having a conversation with me.

I forgot about him after a while, but then it came to my attention that he was writing more songs.

Some songs were about the instances in which I tried to connect with him at an event we were attending.

He would express all this emotion underneath the surface of what was going on through the song which contradicted his indifference that he acted out in reality.

The songwriting continued.

Last summer I decided to finally ask him whether or not the song he wrote four years ago was about me.

He told me it wasn't, so I decided to put all the feelings that were building inside me out of my mind. Then six months later he wrote a whole degrading album about me that suggested I was a bitch for ruining his romance.

My first reaction to this was that he was crazy, but over time it started to feel flattering and eventually it was extremely erotic to me.

The fact that he was so unavailable in the midst of my experiencing all these feelings drove me up the wall, and that was what really fueled the eroticism.

He claimed in the album that he wanted me to write songs to him in return and that the madness would not end, that he would tame me so that I wouldn't want anyone else.

I bought a great deal of music off of his website and began to write songs in response. Four months passed by with him stringing me along, never outwardly admitting that the songs were about me.

I rationalized his behavior thinking that he was shy. I told him that I loved him, but he responded by denying his actions and expressing feeling flattered nevertheless.

When I decided to move on after this, he responded by getting his friends involved and having them make fun of me and insult me.

This is when I began to be devalued by him, although the devaluing really began with the insulting tone of the whole album he devoted to me.

In the midst of all this, it became clear to me that he had used another musician as a proxy to record a whole other album in response to the previous events explaining why he no longer had the same feelings for me; the reason being that I was a different person and that he wanted me to change for him.

Thankfully I wasn't flattered by this response, nor inclined to change myself for him. The album did haunt me, however, and I couldn't rest until I wrote an album in response, which he seemed to demand from me with the threat of ending what we had. He urged me to "reignite his flame".

So I wrote the album for him to which he didn't respond, but only continued to string me along in the way he had before.

Finally I decided to go to an event I knew he was attending, but when I didn't approach him he reacted with rage and decided to discard me. He moved on to his old girlfriend from 8 years ago for narcissistic supply.

At the time, I wasn't aware that he was a narcissist yet and this quick change of feelings on his part was confusing and hurtful. But eventually this behavior, which is entirely devoid of empathy, was what allowed me to catch on to the fact that he is a narcissist.

Eventually I also realized that his plans were even more nefarious than I had ever imagined, because if it weren't for the fact that I am taking time off from school in LA, I wouldn't have ever realized that he never intended to have a relationship with me, that he only intended to use me for narcissistic supply.

If I had been up at school, he would have completely sabotaged my ability to have a fun time meeting nice guys and eventually a partner in marriage because I would have felt obligated to listen to his degrading remarks in his album that accuse me of having frivolous desires, that I am bent for everyone and that he wanted to tame me.

I caught him before it was too late.



Post script: I found evidence of degrading song titles he hasn't published yet such as "Evil" and "Devil", among others. Talk about narcissistic projection!


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