I found my life on the net.

I am sixty three years old and have a narcissistic mother.

I cried my way through all the explanations of what that means, and now I feel stunned.

My first thought was, "am I too old to change?"

But then I found the scripture: "with God all things are possible."

My mother has not spoken to me in ten weeks, I had the "gall" to speak to her for putting her niece in my place and constantly having this young woman's "good" behaviour thrown up at me.

I am chronically ill and cannot look after her in the style she expects so she found someone else to do it for her.

She has never been involved in anything I ever did at school, and when I had children she ignored them too.

Now she travels over 2,000 kms by plane to see her niece's children in a school concert for one night.

She cannot, however, come to my house which is only 3 kms away - she is too old and sick.

I tried calling her and the ice on the phone was indicative of a severe winter in Alaska.

I refuse to go see her and have her treat me that way in person, I have been writing instead, but I still look at the answering machine every single day hoping for a message that is not there.

I cry a lot.

Once, when I was just a young woman, I stayed out later than she wanted me too, so she talked NON-STOP all the remainder of the night to punish me for keeping her awake.

In my late teens it was common for her to pack my bags and shove them, and me on the porch saying: "I don't want you. Get out and stay out. Nobody wants you. Get out of my sight for good."

She also beat me physically until I left home at 21.

I used to beg and plead on my knees to be allowed back in to the house, because I believed her when she said no-one would ever want me or love me.

When I finally was allowed into the house, having apologized "properly" she berated me for hours on end and then after that she would not speak to me for a week or more.

Also, all of my life she has given me her castoffs and gets quite genuinely offended because I don't want them. She gets the new washing machine, dryer, heater, TV and I get the old one.

When I became a Christian she disinherited me (as in changed her will) when I told her. I guess she didn't want Someone else to be in charge in my life beside her.

I am an only child, with no earthly father but now I have a Heavenly Father who is teaching me about His Love.

And lastly, everybody else absolutely LOVES her, except for my poor darling husband who prays a lot!