If it wasn't for you, my life would be perfect!

by Sher
(Ontario, Canada)

That was the statement that ended it all.

I married Don because I thought he was my soulmate.

While we dated he was the most charming, loving and caring man. Everything was about me. I was on a pedestal.

We made plans to build a new house on a beautiful piece of property. I imagined how wonderful the rest of my life was going to be.

After about 6 months I started to notice things. Even though before marriage he acted as though he thought I was intelligent and creative, all of a sudden I couldn't do anything right. I was constantly being corrected.

I have no problem with constructive critisism but it was more like destructive. If I said I was going to work on some special project around the house he would ask me how I would do it. When I told him my plan he would say,
'Well if you want to do it properly' and then tell me how he would do it, even though he had never done it before.

It was as if he was insinuating that I was doing it 'improperly'. He would ask my opinion on something and then tell me my opinion was stupid.

I learned after awhile to keep my opinions to myself. If there was something he wanted to buy for himself he could justify spending the money saying that he was doing it for us.

I kept my mouth shut because if I argued he would accuse me of trying to ruin our relationship. If I made a decision on my own, he would always have done it differently.

It got so there was no point in me thinking at all. I would just do things his way to avoid pissing him off. I used to be a confident, outgoing person. Now I was nothing.

About every 2-3 months he would find a reason to completely blow his top. Every time it happened it started over something so small it wasn't even worth talking about. Once it was because he felt the toilet wasn't cleaned properly, once because I left a part filled tea cup sitting out. I should have rinsed it and put it in the sink.

He would get so angry that it seemed his eyes would pop out. He would yell, scream and call me names.

The strange thing is, he would accuse me of saying NO to him. He would say 'Everytime I want to do something you say NO, NO, NO.' He always got what he wanted so it made no sense to me.

When I asked him to give me an example of what I had said NO to, he would tell me that he couldn't think of a specific instance right now because he was too upset.

The last straw came when I remarked to him that I was feeling lonely because whenever we had some time together all he seemed to want to do is watch TV.

I did all the cooking and cleaning while he watched. When I brought him his meals he barely took his eyes off the TV to accept his dinner.

Well that made him very angry. He went away for about 10 minutes then came back and told me he was ignoring me deliberately because, same old story, I had said NO to something he wanted to do.

I was ready this time. I gave him several examples of things that he wanted and every one of them he got. He then said to me. "If it wasn't for you, my life would be perfect."

I spent the next few hours trying to choose between suicide and divorce.

I chose divorce and contacted a lawyer the next day.

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Oct 06, 2013
right choice!
by: Anonymous

I'm so glad you chose divorce over suicide! Seriously, such pricks aren't even worth throwing away a precious human life for! And those instances you mentioned (especially when he'd accuse of you always saying NO to his suggestions and then pretend to be too upset to talk when you'd ask for specific examples) are typical narcissistic abuse! I assure you, I've been down this path in the very recent past and I know exactly what it's like! Always remember, you did nothing wrong. Hang in there, sweetie. You deserve much better.

May 16, 2013
Hide and Seek
by: Anonymous

It's easy to hide things from someone who isn't looking.When your too close to something you can't see it.I thought i found my soul mate too. I REALLY believed he was the one.My marriage will be different because this man really loves me.Nobody feels like a bigger idiot than me.To find out after fourteen years the whole thing was a lie.How do you deal with that? When they say to listen to your intuition boy are THEY right.There were red flags and each time i convinced myself that i was just being paranoid.He wouldn't do that.He wouldn't lie to me.Oh yes he would and did!Any time i did call him on a lie i was crazy and had some nerve accusing him.Making me look like i had trust issues.He told me once that if he ever did cheat on me he wouldn't bring anyone back to this dump!I'm always wrong. I start all the fights.I have issues because i come from a dysfunctional family. How he loves to sell that one.Since my family is messed up i'm messed up to hence causing all the problems so no one would dare think he's to blame.He plays the victim so well as he victimizes me.He knows i'm on to him now i'm of no use.He can't infiltrate my thoughts and dreams.He can't manipulate my emotions telling me how i should and shouldn't feel.This man could literally care less if i live or die.Iv'e been discarded like used toilet paper.The names i'm called used to leave me flabbergasted.How can you speak to someone you love like that? Even if you are angry? Am i disappointed that i didn't see this earlier? yep. How can i be so stupid? But this is exactly how he wants you to feel.It's not his fault that he could fool you. It's yours.He didn't ask you to love him. Like i was told "you've been lying to yourself".The one thing this man will never take from me is my integrity.Someone who is full of secrets is repulsed by someone who isn't. They have to dirty you up because the very sight of you reminds them of their own awful existence.These people are soul suckers. emotional vampires.In my belief god created my life. Ain't no one qualified to destroy it.

Mar 14, 2013
right choice
by: Britt

You made the right choice...mine told me after 2 years together that "I ruin everything" and that he never loved me.

I chose to suicide. Awoke, tied down in a psych ward...

I have had to claw my way back and will be forever haunted by his scathing insults about my looks, hygiene, living conditions...all while flaunting his other women in my face..

I just could never believe the gentle soul I met and said loved me would play such hideous mind games using the very information I confided to him .

Our lives are perfect without them.

You are very brave.

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