My battle to escape my narcisisstic ex!

It has taken me years to finally realize what my ex really is.

I always knew something wasn't right. I always described him as cold and uncaring, selfish to say the least.

Our marriage lacked intimacy which he always explained away with "i'm not a touchy feely person".

He was always too busy with his own interests and hobbies to care about me or the kids. He saw nothing wrong with this and said that I was too needy and demanding when I wanted him to spend time with us as a family.

He would only do this if it was an activity that HE liked or was HIS idea. We kept our finances separate and had to "split" everything 50/50 even though he made 3 times my salary.

If I needed money for something he would say I had to pay him back. He would get angry easily and would remind me of how "worthless" I was and how much he had done for me.

He would remind me that his material belongings were most important and that I would always come second to them. He would boast and brag to everyone who would listen about how wonderful his things were, like how much better his car stereo was then theirs or how much better his home surround sound system was then theirs.

This was very embarrassing to say the least but he saw nothing wrong with this behaviour of putting others down. He is a wonderful liar and can easily play off that he is the "victim" in a relationship and can even convince you that everything is your fault even though deep down somewhere you know better, you actually start doubting yourself!

He has a very warped sense of reality, and will claim that events happened that never did! He even said I tried to "damage his car on several occasions" (never ever happened) in his reply to my request for divorce and custody/child support, among many many other false claims.

Is this a real belief or a purposeful lie intended to damage me? Maybe both. He can do no wrong and will never apologize for anything. he is vengeful and angry.

Now he is after me for custody of our son. No surprise there because I burned him. I left him 5 yrs ago and I hurt his ego because I had an affair with the person I am with now and left him for. (Big surprise when you feel unloved and abused).

I came clean and told him and demanded that he leave the home which he only did kicking and screaming and stalked me for a while afterwards.

I don't feel any guilt for the way things ended, I think this is because I know he never really cared about me anyways so why should I feel bad?

Also I highly suspect he was cheating long before I was because a friend of mine actually admitted to sleeping with him a few years prior but he denied this.

My affair was not intentional really, it was feeling unwanted and unloved I think that made it easy for me. Plus the marriage was practically over long before that, all we did was fight and we never agreed on anything.

He just couldn't let go because he had an "image" to keep as a husband and father. After the split I was stupid enough to allow him to decide how much child support he wanted to pay and when he wanted to see the kids.

He has been in control ever since. He has "fits" if he doesn't get what he wants which is what finally led me to file with the court.

It is long from over I am sure but I know now what i am dealing with which will help me out a lot as I make my way through all of this.