My battle to escape my narcisisstic ex!

It has taken me years to finally realize what my ex really is.

I always knew something wasn't right. I always described him as cold and uncaring, selfish to say the least.

Our marriage lacked intimacy which he always explained away with "i'm not a touchy feely person".

He was always too busy with his own interests and hobbies to care about me or the kids. He saw nothing wrong with this and said that I was too needy and demanding when I wanted him to spend time with us as a family.

He would only do this if it was an activity that HE liked or was HIS idea. We kept our finances separate and had to "split" everything 50/50 even though he made 3 times my salary.

If I needed money for something he would say I had to pay him back. He would get angry easily and would remind me of how "worthless" I was and how much he had done for me.

He would remind me that his material belongings were most important and that I would always come second to them. He would boast and brag to everyone who would listen about how wonderful his things were, like how much better his car stereo was then theirs or how much better his home surround sound system was then theirs.

This was very embarrassing to say the least but he saw nothing wrong with this behaviour of putting others down. He is a wonderful liar and can easily play off that he is the "victim" in a relationship and can even convince you that everything is your fault even though deep down somewhere you know better, you actually start doubting yourself!

He has a very warped sense of reality, and will claim that events happened that never did! He even said I tried to "damage his car on several occasions" (never ever happened) in his reply to my request for divorce and custody/child support, among many many other false claims.

Is this a real belief or a purposeful lie intended to damage me? Maybe both. He can do no wrong and will never apologize for anything. he is vengeful and angry.

Now he is after me for custody of our son. No surprise there because I burned him. I left him 5 yrs ago and I hurt his ego because I had an affair with the person I am with now and left him for. (Big surprise when you feel unloved and abused).

I came clean and told him and demanded that he leave the home which he only did kicking and screaming and stalked me for a while afterwards.

I don't feel any guilt for the way things ended, I think this is because I know he never really cared about me anyways so why should I feel bad?

Also I highly suspect he was cheating long before I was because a friend of mine actually admitted to sleeping with him a few years prior but he denied this.

My affair was not intentional really, it was feeling unwanted and unloved I think that made it easy for me. Plus the marriage was practically over long before that, all we did was fight and we never agreed on anything.

He just couldn't let go because he had an "image" to keep as a husband and father. After the split I was stupid enough to allow him to decide how much child support he wanted to pay and when he wanted to see the kids.

He has been in control ever since. He has "fits" if he doesn't get what he wants which is what finally led me to file with the court.

It is long from over I am sure but I know now what i am dealing with which will help me out a lot as I make my way through all of this.

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Jul 23, 2013
You Could Have Been Writing About Me
by: Anonymous

Yes, I married the narcissist after 6 yrs of a roller coaster ride. I thought I could handle it. But, yes.. this self absorbed husband ( 3 times married now) only cared about his expensive hobby, his toys, what "stuff" he could accumulate to impress his friends while on the brink of going into debt. Had already filed bankruptcy 2 yrs before.

He isolated me from my family - kept me from HIS family - I had moved an hour away from my job/friends and never felt so hopeless in my life. I begged to go out to dinner - to a movie but it never happened. Any money he had was his. I kept mine "mine".... thinking it would keep him from driving me into debt. He complained that I didn't use MY car to drive HIM to his friend's house and then the narcissistic rages began. I was trying to be a good wife for 16 mos and then it started out of nowhere. He'd rage at me when nobody was looking, threatened to throw my stuff out and lock me out of the house ( which he did this week) if I didn't go along with what he wanted. All the while.. putting on this " GOOD GUY" face to the outside World while being absolutely horrid to his wife who he claimed was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HIM!!!

I started feeling afraid - hopeless - alone - and like a slave to his whims. His mood swings were off the charts knowing when he should be "nice" to me.. and just as easily turning into an ogre who threatened/intimidated me.

The last straw? He'd aggravated me again ( almost daily now) and KNEW he'd done wrong. Sat there with a SMUG, SMIRKY, face that I wanted to smash. I left ( smart enough to keep the house I owned when we married!! And ALL my finances intact!!) He was livid that I let my daughter live in my house and didn't approve of what he thought was a measly amount of rent. He raged when I bought new appliances for that house. Was that HIS business? HIS money?? Why did HE care? Because it would have been MORE FOR HIM.

In closing.. why did I decide to pull the plug after 7 yrs?? I had "run away" so many times to escape the abuse - my daughter finally said to me.. " Mom, you are a big girl and free to make your own decisions. But if you go back to a man who abuses you with words/behavior, I will lose all respect for you."

I'd already lost my own. And I'd never had the respect of my husband. It was my oldest daughter who gave me the courage to leave.

I would never in this World want to set a bad example for my daughters and teach them that it's ok to be abused. IT IS NOT.

Ladies.. don't ignore the red flags!! Don't think you can fix him. You can't. All the love in the World won't make an iota of difference.

There is no glory in being abused -- You should ALWAYS love yourself more.. When nobody is there and you look around.. who is always right beside you? YOU.. You are your own best friend. Be kind to yourself. We only have one life to live.
Nobody has the right to make you miserable unless you allow it.


Jan 14, 2013
To Many Of Them
by: Anonymous

Wow I am amazed. Your story just blew me away. I was with my ex for 16 months (met online 2 yrs ago) and I have been trying to get him off my back for 2 months now, I have filed for an avo and they can not serve him because they can not find him. (he moved down to my home town and switches cars) I knew something was not right too, not long after we met. The boasting, the egoness, the putting down of all people, except the ones who flattered him.
Now that I have stopped all contact with him, he has cloned and hijacked my mobile phone, so bought a pre paid phone and he tracked that one down as well, his threatening to kill me, destroy everything around me. I have not gone back to my house in weeks because he broke in and stole his fathers ring and now 3 weeks later he is STILL demanding me to return it. How do I do that when it's already stolen?
Oh i feel for you, I really do, when you need support and help, YOU ARE SO DEMANDING, HOW DARE YOU. I asked for a neck rub once and omg did I cop it. How dare I ask and be so demanding of him.
I am just amazed that these N's do not give up. He wants me to contact him SO HE CAN HAVE CLOSURE. He popped my four car tyres on Friday while i was at work and goes on Facebook and tells everyone that im accusing him of breaking into my house and damaging my car.
He will not stop emailing me at work, ringing me at work. So as I stand I have til 5pm to ring him or I better watch out.
Im really starting to get annoyed by this sicko and im not scared anymore.
I am on antidepressants and mood stabilizers and if it wasn't for those two magic pills each day, I would not be here. But we are strong and will NOT let these N's control our minds and life anymore.
Good luck Darl and hang in there.

Sep 05, 2011
Sounds entirely too familiar
by: Anonymous

Is his name John and do you live in Phoenix??

Because, believe me, this guy sounds EXACTLY like the guy I divorced 25 years ago. He dragged the divorce out for 4 years, demanded totally unreasonable stuff from both me and the court, lied, lied and lied some more, pissed off both his lawyer (who asked the judge to let him drop my ex as his client) and several judges, and even tried to get to me through my son, demanding visitation and refusing to pay child support (my child by a previous relationship, but raised by this man). When the judge, after having an extended private conversation with my son (who has Aspergers), decided my ex could only have visits supervised by a social worker, my ex made arrangements to see the boy for Christmas, never showed up, and never called again. Didn't take the kid's calls, failed to contact him on birthday or the following Christmas, either. The man was a true loss as a human being.

I am glad you got away from him...and hope your new relationship is all you hope it to be.

Aug 20, 2011
by: Anonymous

Thanks so much for your support!

Aug 20, 2011
woman!!! gooooood for you!! :)
by: Anonymous

I am sooooo glad you stuck it up to him!! not a lot of women have the courage to dump scum bags like that and get a new man that treats them right while at it! my highest regard and kudos! remember that even if things are not 100% perfect in your new relationship, this is normal and it happens to all will be better anywhere but with that delusional sadist. make sure you take all the proof you need to build your case in court, receipts, letters, phone records if available, your kids if they witnessed anything, and proof of the lack of his contribution to support his own kids. Great blessings to you and your new life..

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