My Father - The Narcissist

I posted a few days ago about my son-in-law, the narcissist here. Title on that one was 'Heartbreaking Indeed.'

Well, we haven't suffered that long with him. He has been married to our daughter for a year and half.

The thing is, it didn't take too long for me to recognize what kind of person we were dealing with, once he started showing his true colors (after the wedding).

You see, I am very familiar with this personality type. I never knew there was a disorder associated with it. I had heard of narcissists, but for some reason that knowledge was locked away in my Psych 101 memory, something I read in a book... Still, I was baffled by how much my son-in-law resembled my own father.

After finding this website and realizing what these men truly are, it all makes sense! My entire childhood is finally coming together in a clear picture for me.

My father was raised by a mother who practically worshiped the ground he walked on. He could do no wrong, and of course, he was a genius.

They were from Spain, and my father was sent to America to go to college, something unheard of where they were from - because he was such a prodigy... Can you imagine that?

Well, of course he believes till this day that he is a genius. It didnt help that he ended up getting a PhD in Physics. Now that I think about it, maybe these fields attract narcissists.

Anyway, growing up with a narcissist is tough. I left home to go to college when I was 16 years old. I was smart enough, but more importantly, it was the only way I knew to get away from a toxic home.

Children who live in the home of a narcissist parent can never please them, UNLESS they are praising that parent day in and day out. Only if they devote themselves to him will they ever find relief. Thankfully, I wasn't prone to do this.

Even though not joining the club of my father's worshipers (my mother and brother) was tough, in the end I can say I am by far the blessed one.

My mother died young of cancer, and I attribute it 100% to the stress she lived under for 28 years. It killed her.

My brother (45), to this day, depends on my father financially. It all ended up tragically for them.

My father alienated us from each other and the rest of our family. He couldn't tolerate for any one of us to form a bond outside of his control.

He would lie and deceive, cause division, and always look so innocent and even sometimes pretend to be the victim of everyone else's carelessness and stupidity.

The thing is, he was so good at this, that it took many years before I realized what he had been doing.

It took witnessing my mother's death, after he divorced her for another woman who admired him better than my mother - three months before she died.

All this to say, that our children who are married to these evil people are in deep trouble. We must not let these people cause division, if at all possible.

They must be kept thinking that we are deceived by them. The worst thing that can happen in a situation where your child is married to a narcissist is to let on that you are onto them.

They will turn on you with a vengeance and cut all ties, leaving your child completely isolated and vulnerable, with no one to turn to. That is what happened to my mother.

The children of narcissists are too confused to understand what the narcissistic parent has been doing. Some may figure it out, but it will most likely be many years later.

For me it was ten years after my mother died that I finally accepted who my father was and the path of destruction he had left behind.

I do know that God is faithful and watches over us, and that He is the reason why I have the understanding that I have today. I am thankful for this webpage, too. I thought I was alone in the world with these problems, that I would never find other Christians who understood. For all this I am thankful.

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Sep 08, 2013
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re: My Father - The Narcissist
by: Anonymous

I very much understand what you write about. I am the adoptive daughter of an N mother and then I married an N man. I'm 49 yrs old and only learned what N is 5 yrs ago after constantly stuggling to make sense of the insanity that is "my life". I always knew something was off.
My mother had issues with EVERYONE! She controlled with physical and verbal rage, guilt, shame, humiliation, and when all else failed (she) wept...When she gave me something, or did something for me it became a weapon used against me, if someone liked me she didn't like them, if I was happy, she was angry. My adoptive father had chronic health issues and was an easy going, weekend alcholic. He was in and out of hospital from the time I was 8 until he passed away when I was 21. It was common knowledge that my parents were unhappily married. I had a younger adoptive brother who was angry and had a violent temper for as long as I remember. He dropped out of school at 14, was unemployed, an alcoholic, homeless, and the father of 4 children (each with different mothers). 3 years ago he was hit by a car and died when he staggered onto a highway severely intoxicated. 2 weeks prior to his death my mother told him his life was a waste, he was useless, and may as well throw himself under a bus...She takes no ownership in how his life played out. The man I married is a text book N! He engaged in illegal activity for profit, he rages verbally and physically, he's a womanizer, drinks too much, arrogant, a compulsive liar, etc. After 22 yrs married, I finally separated from him 5 yrs ago after he physically attacked our son. He's hidden money and assets from me and refuses to divorce me. Threatens to implicate me in (his) illegal activites if I go to a lawyer. He's got no heart, he's ruthless beyond measure and I take him at his word.

Mar 22, 2013
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by: Anonymous

Sure, you may. I don't think I know anyone down in AU. If you will publish it, please leave out the part about being from Spain. That will keep it anonymous enough, I think.

Mar 22, 2013
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Your father the narcissist
by: Jean

Thank you, so glad you are now able to share your difficult- to say the least- childhood years. What wonderful insight you have to share and help others.
As a surviving wife of a narcissist, and concerned for the effects on my children, it was helpful to hear things from your perspective. so you have given me more understanding towards helping them in the various way/ degrees they have been affected.
I am doing a lit study and presentation on narcissistic behaviour later this year. Would you mind if I used your story towards the effects on family?
Blessing, Jean

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