Narcissistic double standards, rules don't apply to him

I've been in a relationship with an "N" for over four years, prior to that 20 years with an ex-husband.

I didn't know what it was until after I was already snared with the most recent one.

This man can spend the night or weekend with another woman and I'm supposed to accept it because "he knew her before me" and "he just drank too much", or "she just showed up, I didn't know she was coming..." but I have lunch with a male, especially an old boyfriend who came to town briefly, and I'm the most insidious being that's ever lived and he makes me pay dearly emotionally.

He admitted it might be a double standard, but it didn't matter. He was enraged and has shut me out of his life.

Over the years he has lied, cheated, promised to take me to a concert and then took another woman instead of me, has done the most hurtful, back-stabbing, underhanded things to me, but I do the slightest attack to his ego and I pay dearly.

I became very depressed, felt lost, wished I hadn't had lunch with the other guy, but then realize I had every right to have lunch with him! It was lunch for heaven's sake, that's all it was. It wasn't anything more than that but he made it into a sinister plot against him.

I've tried to end it with him 50 times I bet in the last two and a half years. I've blocked his number, I moved to a different location, I've nicely and meanly told him to leave me alone, but he never does.

And now he has the nerve to tell me "I'm not doing this with you, it's over." They are very sick individuals; if you know you're with one, make every attempt to leave, otherwise stay in the burning building but you will get burned - remember you can leave, do it for yourself.

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Sep 06, 2013
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re: Narcissistic double standards, rules don't apply to him
by: Anonymous

WOW! We have much in common. I was (adopted) as a baby and raised by an N mother and then married an N man. Everything these N monsters do is a double standard! My mother despises being lied to, but she's one of the most cunning liar's I know. With her hateful N nature she inflicts hurt on almost everyone she comes in contact with, yet she's always the victim. Nearly 8 yrs ago I made the decision to cut her out of my life. My N husband as you describe, "innocently went out for a beer" which frequently lead to him staying out all night. Or he would tell me he'd be home in 10 mins, but instead he'd show up many hrs later without explanation or remorse. But I was always at fault for his behaviour, I was the naggy bitch for being upset with him. He'd snap at me "it's not the end of the world is it, it just happened, not like I planned it!" I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but did he really expect me to accept that? After being married 2 months he cheated on me. I forgave him because he grovelled and promised to make me the happiest girl in the world. What a joke!
I worked full time from home and devoted myself to caring for the house and our kids, if "I" was out running errands or taking the kids to activities, he called me multiple times asking when I was coming home.
He's a fraud, makes money illegally, quit working altogher so there are no limits on what (he) does. He has tons of cash (hidden - from me) affording him the luxury of doing what he pleases, when he pleases. He's obsessed with money, God help me if I had money to hide from him...
He's a ruthless con man, set up a bogus company years ago to cover his tracks. So far he's gotten away with it, although it's become common knowledge he's crooked. We live in a small town, word get's around. We have 2 kids who pay the price for his actions by being subjected to hearing hurtful rumors, he blows it off. They loathe him and love him at the same time, he can "buy" them things.
After a rage incident 5 yrs ago when he physically attacked our son I finally separated from him, after 22 years of marriage. But he won't divorce me. I've methodically isloated myself from almost everyone, I don't go anywhere now unless I have to. I'm too ashamed, humiliated, disgusted, both in myself and him.
But he continues to run around all over town as if he's some accomplished business man. He travels often, socializes constantly - always out somewhere with someone and he buys expensive toys for himself without hesitation. His double standards are too many to list. In an N rage he'll hit someone, but no one should ever lay a hand on him, he can keep me/our kids waiting for hours (days even), but he waits for no one, he lies compulsively, but no one dare lie to him, he cheats, but don't ever cheat him...Even though I now live alone and my kids are grown and gone, my conscience won't let me be free.

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