Narcissistic Grandparent Hell!

by Mike
(NY)

I have just severed ties with my narcissistic mother. It only took 32 years and a custody battle over our 4 year old son to do so.

Grandparent right's laws are great tools to exact painful revenge on a narcissistic mothers children for access to her grandchildren.

Grandchildren are prized sources of narcissistic supply. Once they have been given a taste of that pure uncut love and dependency, they will go to any lengths to secure access to that supply.That's what happened to my wife and I.

We made the terrible mistake of allowing my mother to participate in the babysitting arrangement believing that she would behave for fear of losing her access to her grandchild. We were trying to be inclusive. We wanted to "do the right thing".

We were wrong. She acted inappropriately around our son and disrespected our parental authority. Another family member witnessed the behavior and we suspended her access.

She filed with the court almost immediately seeking court ordered unsupervised visitation. We were dragged through hell but we prevailed.

I have now been ostracized from her extended family and friends. People I have known my whole life. I am free though.

My wife and I are free and we are happy. My children and I will never have to suffer through another ruined event or holiday season.

Life is much better but I am still trying to recover from the trauma of having someone go after our child. Part of that process is to learn about this disorder and understand it.

This website definitely helped me. Thanks.

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Dec 20, 2014
My narcissistic mother...and father
by: Anonymous

have lied., cheated, spread rumors, made false allegations.., becuase finally I married someone who didn't abuse me. She got social services in on it, by making false pleas...and my children were put in her care. After extensive investigation, social services closed the case. However, my parents continue to deny me contact with the children. They have exposed the children to the very 2 men who actually viciously assaulted me the girls' fathers...without any permission (and yes, finally after years, I broke free from the circle of violence I grew up in).
It has been extremely distressful. I have cried almost every night since our wedding...and it has gotten to the point that we have filed for permanent custody with hopefully no access.
I am glad I have discovered this site. I'm not crazy...they are out of control. In 2 years she has only attempted to call me, since she received her court summons...all digits crossed. x

Dec 18, 2014
Narc Grandkid
by: Anonymous

I have a narcissistic grandmother and growing up was like hell.

She's my dad's mom and she's been manipulating my family to stay where my dad grew up too.

I was mostly her golden grandchild but got the abuse of a scapegoat as well because my sister stayed with my mom mostly.

She would talk behind my mom's back about how terrible my mom was and her side of the family.

I realize now that she was a total liar and my mom's side is waaay better and nicer.

She convinced me earlier on to stay with her by enticing me with trinkets and money (pocket change is a lot of money to a kid).

She would beat me and enjoyed smothering my face with dog feces as a child. (I don't get disgusted easily anymore because of that)

She made it seem like it was my fault for setting her off and would tell me that it would be worse off if I ever told anyone about what happened.

As a kid, that was the only normal I knew!

I eventually realized what abuse was and what a huge lying and manipulative bitch she has been and continues to be.

I was suicidal as young as the 1st grade though I didn't know why.

I always felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was useless.

If narcissists worsen as they age, and from my experience, they do...

then imagine your childhood experiences with a narcissistic mother made even worse by the now seasoned narc grandmother!

Keep them away from children. I still have a long waaay to go to undo her abuse on me....

Nov 30, 2014
toxic family revealed.
by: gettopoint

I am so sorry that you had to deal with that most horrible betrayal by someone who should provide a loving positive influence for you entire family.

I had a similar situation in that both my parents and my sister helped my ex-husband take my son from me in a custody battle that ended up being about my sister (my husbands NOW WIFE) and my sons, NOW STEP MOM.

It started with an affair my sister had with my husband at the time that ended in them marrying then successfully manipulating the court to take my child from me and place him with his aunt/step-mother and adoptive father.

That side of my family is so sick that they would all know of the affair and SAY or do nothing to protect my child from the instability they knew would ensue as a result of the chaos.

My concern now is that my son is being exposed to these unhealthy people and seems to be successfully brainwashed by the most horrible people I have ever known.

I wish that I could protect my son from them but he is very enmeshed in their toxic game and has been so much to the point that it seems now my egg donor pushed him toward her despite the obvious knowledge of my marriage and love for my family.

Sometime it seems all we have left is to recognize as has been so eloquently said that when people show you who they are believe them.

Sep 30, 2014
Not alone!!
by: Anonymous

Your not alone.
My mother is narc AND terminally ill. It's like dealing with a harpy on steroids. Its unrelenting and despite being absolutely no contact she keeps on coming. II have gone to great lengths to change phone numbers, cell phone numbers, emails and have completely deleted my online presence. When she couldnt get to me or get others after me that way the lawyers letters started. First she was claiming I stole from her, then it was threatening family court for visitation for the kids. When that didn't work the letters to the house and suddenly people who Ii haven't seen in forever taking a very targeted interest in my life....no doubt reporting back. How do I know? I lied to them. Fed them a bunch of bullshit to see what surfaced in the next raging letter of the awful mother. It's amazing the accuracy of their reporting but it did give me a laugh to hear I was 4 months pregnant, separating from my partner of 8 years and back collecting welfare.......none of which is true lol
I have a light at the end of the tunnel though. don't feel guilty saying I will be relieved when it's over.

Sep 06, 2014
TargetedByNarcissists
by: Ardilla

HELP!
I have been targeted by narcissists literally my entire life starting at young childhood. FOUR of them are RELATIVES!
What Im wondering is……now that I have finally got my EXTREME narcissist/socipath ex out of my house and filed dissolution papers that he actually signed the joinder for (just to impress his sex-partners), I no longer want any contact with him at all whatsoever!
I am preparing to do this, but I know that when I do, you-know-what is going to HIT THE FAN like crazy! When he is truly "cut off" from me, he is going to go even more crazy on getting his vengeance out on me with his damaging slander and defamation.
What I want to know is, can he actually get me in trouble with the law by getting all of his "groupies" on his side saying I supposedly "did something" to him?? This is exactly what I expect of him.
Exactly! This pretty much describes the two faced back stabbing snake he is TO A 'T' !! What am I supposed to do? have a camera running 24/7 around me to show that Im not even going down into that other county where he lives? How in the world am I supposed to "prove" my innocence when he startes spewing his @*#@?? Because, believe me, he WILL do it, because he's going to be so angry, he's going to have another one of his narcissistic rages. He'll get everyone around him to join in with him against me even more than he already has, and Im actually afraid of what he may do this time.
Anyone that can help me with this?

Aug 08, 2014
NPD Grandmother
by: Christina

After two years of not talking to my mom (NO CONATACT), I re-established a relationship with her etc… I asked my mom to come to help in my first baby’s delivery I was very happy with her answer that she was going to come, I believed her, why not. (Big Mistake) However, My husband was skeptical and warned me, I know you love your mother, but she is going to pull something nasty to get into a fight with you and not to have to come over to do something. I told him that he was a paranoid psycho “jokingly” and moved on and so on. As my pregnancy with my daughter progressed she started making upsetting comments such as, “call me when you are 5 centimeters dilated.” Eventually as my pregnancy became closer to its end, she decided to boycott my baby shower. If this was not enough, she called to brag and tell me what she has done, and when I told her my feeling about it, she dismissed them as if they were unimportant.
When I talked to her again, months after my baby was born, all she did was throw my cousin under the bus, and try to say that she wanted to do a baby shower the next day…etc...And that she made phone-calls to me to that effect There are things that you don’t do regardless of excuses (or reasons, as she likes to call it) and that is boycott a baby’s shower.
Months later she came with the excuse that she told my cousin "only an opinion". But, even if she gave only an opinion, She immediately called me to tell me about it, bragging about flexing her muscle, and when I complained, she basically told me to eat it. Her actions challenge the logic of her "opinion only theory" and even if this really happened as she says it did, once she made the call to brag about it, she owned the deed.
My husbands' prediction came true, she did something so nasty, to get away from the commitment.
Fine, I am kind hearted and I forgive her and expected her to change.
Then I became pregnant with my second baby. Again, my mother first answer was "yes I drop everything, I will be there." This was very important because I needed my husband to be there during my delivery.
As my pregnancy proceeded, My husband told me, again told me that my mom was going to do the same thing as before, pick a fight in order not to help. But this time he also told me what she was trying to do. He told me that she was obsessed in taking my daughter overnight to her house overnight and that she would try to do it at the last minute before labor. I could not believe it.
As my pregnancy progressed close to my delivery date she started to pick a fight again and began stressing me by saying things like;
1. Well… if that my brother might not be there to take his own kids, and she cannot leave
2. ridiculous tales about my brother's in laws.
3. When I called to tell her, on June 10th about my scheduled delivery to be on the 24th of June she told me that let her see her calendar and to call her a week later on the 17th (of June) to talk about it.
A few weeks before my son's birth we went for lunch at a Pizza restaurant, when my husband mentioned that he was going to be at the house at least 3 times the day after delivery her jaw dropped like someone dropped a ton of bricks on her.
During the months before my son's birth, she consistently avoided the subject of actually helping me with my son at the hospital after the delivery by saying things such as: let the nurses take care of him or whatever. So finally, I had to confront her about her plans and she told me:
“I was just planning if push comes to shove to take my daughter to her home in another county and come back immediately. I just was not going to tell you because I did not want to upset you with the details”
This is something that my mother and I talked about several times. My husband and I, for whatever reasons we have, and we have many of them, we are the parents and we do not want her away from us. She was going to take our child without permission and against our wishes.
After saying this, she threw my sister in law, and my brother and the new nanny and whomever she could find under the bus (unnecessarily). Because after you say that you are going take or contemplate taking my child without permission and against our wishes, there is nothing else you can say or blame. There is no un-ringing that bell; you cannot say that I misunderstood because my husband heard that same thing, and told me he heard enough. She cannot say that she did not meant it, because her plan was obvious.
It was her plan all along to have it both ways. She was only not going to help with the delivery of my son, but she was going to take my daughter without permission. It is not that my husband had a crystal ball or special powers, he was independently telling me what he could see coming all along, but since I am more emotionally involved I could not realize. Maybe I should have not asked her from the beginning, but it is difficult for me to understand or accept that my mom would act this way. She would have waited until I am in labor to take my child and create a bigger disaster. Can you imagine me in labor, without pain medication, and this happening?
The narrative follows what happened with my daughter’s baby shower. After, she got caught and "told off" after boycotting the party, my mother claims that she planned her own grand party etc and she called me to that effect. Now, after the conversation when I told her that we are done, she called to say that the nanny whom was working “as a favor” for my sister in law, all of the sudden was fully available and left a cryptic message saying “that everything was a go” and a few days later she sends a message that she was ready to spend 2 weeks here in Stockton and to let her now so my sister in law- can schedule her nanny (who is making her a favor to work for her) This is her mode of operation (pattern). Just as she did with the baby shower: after she is being dismissed or caught, she then offers things that she has no intention in doing because she was sure that no one would accept them anymore. Just a month before my son's birth, she said that she may stay at most 2 days. After she gets caught, she offers 2 weeks. After someone tells you that you are going to kidnap your child you cannot let them around your child and cry foul if they take them away. She is trying to look good after what she tried to pull.
This is the same thing she does with everything she does. It is hard for me to continue a relationship with someone who pulls this kind of thing constantly and insults me at every turn. Breaking her appointments with me because of someone else, who is not even her daughter, decided to do something with her at the last minute. I simply no need this. This makes me upset constantly and distance from her helps. She managed to ruin and stress my two pregnancies. I understand that you may not see it the same way because you are not emotionally involved as I am with her. This changes the dynamics of everything. Talking about why I am not talking to her, and what she said, and stuff like that brings the memories of these things and others she did to me makes me very upset.
I have finally put her on "NO CONTACT" FOREVER!!!!

Jul 30, 2014
Narcissistic Hell Bent Grandmother
by: Anonymous


Does anyone have any resources for how to keep Narcissistic Grandmothers away from your child? At age 43 I am the last & youngest of three daughters who was still speaking with her. I am finally choosing to end the tyranny & cut off all contact however my Narcissistic Mother laughed at me when I informed her she will have limited access to my child.

She has been poisoning my ex husbands mind and pitting us against each other since day she met him and he has hard time saying no to her. She always circumvents me for access to my eight year old Son & will bully or guilt him into submission against my wishes.

She continually expresses to me that having my Son "is the greatest gift anyone ever gave to her" in light of my response to her that I did not bear the child as a gift or offering to her.

She blatantly refuses to honor our wishes as parents and will take him on long trips across the bay without notifying us or obtaining consent when he is in her care. She uses my Son as bait to gain entree to see family members who have cut off contact completely with her or with whom she has alienated me as the mother from.

She goes to his school without our permission to speak with his teacher and lectures us about his academic performance. She will take other family members who are in the midst of malicious infighting she instigates and picks up my son without my foreknowledge from day care or school to spend the day with them while they spend an afternoon slandering me within his presence.

When I informed her I would be removing her from the list of authorized persons at school etc. & she would not have access to my child outside his father or my presence she laughed in my face.

She constantly uses my ex husband to obtain knowledge about me when I attempt to cut ties. In addition we are on a mortgage in a house less than half a mile away from her so she's got us just where she wants us...unable to prevent the occasional pop ins or drive bys or outrageous checking of any doors or windows unlocked to gain access to house in our absence. This is my ex husbands house. I moved away and tried to keep secret but she knows where I live now and pops by for the occasional embarrassing screaming confrontation for the benefit of my neighbors....always appearing the frail old victim with the ungrateful daughter.

I have tried to get my ex husband on board but she manipulates him and he just can't stand up to her. I thought about threatening him with filing for child support if he allows her access to my Son as an incentive to say no to her but I fear My Mother would simply offer him that she will pay the monthly amt. to keep my Son within in her control. To this day my oldest sisters children continue to hear an incessant stream of slander and attempted brainwashing even as grown adults about their Mother.

She is tireless in her campaign to undermine our positions and is now going to start indoctrinating my Son. If his Father is bullied and intimidated by the narcissist (which, btw he fully admits) to a point he can't say no....what recourse do I have?

My Mother has sabotaged me and left me penniless after convincing me to entrust her with my life savings..... Then "losing" it.... Rendering me destitute and under her control then further adding insult to injury by denying me any financial support whatsoever in the form of a loan even though I've always paid her back as agreed. so hiring a lawyer isn't a possibility. Will a restraining order work to keep her away even if the father is still under her manipulation?

Daughter of a DiS-FuCKeD-Up Mother

Jul 29, 2014
JUST THE OPPOSITE
by: Anonymous

I have the opposite problem. My narcissistic MIL does not interact with my children at all!! Believe me, I'm grateful!!!! Now that I have a "name" to her madness, I am happy she doesn't f@@@ with my children. She will call her son (my weak-ass husband) 20 PLUS times a day (he's the golden boy) and NEVER ask about the kids. Will only "make mention" of them when I ask him why doesn't she even call to wish them happy birthday...then it tapers off. What a dysfunctional family!! You'll should just see them! Noe that I have the name of the sickness I seen in the entire unit, I sit back, continue on with my plans to move (in secret) and laugh at the whole bunch!! What a bunch of comical, entangled, dysfunctional idiots that think so highly of themselves!! LMAO!! Oh..and the "hubby" leaving his weak ass too! Good riddance!

May 03, 2014
"41 YEARS OF HELL"
by: Anonymous

Ever since my daughter was born, my mother and father have underminded me as a parent.Being a single parent and living with them for two years gave them power and created guilt due to their help. I am 41 years old and just got married to a wonderful man.My narcissistic mother has turned my 18 completely against me!! I am being punished for getting married and my husband and i are treated terribly!! Thank God i am not alone!! Learning about Narcissistic parents is helping me to understand it is not my fault and I am a good person!! maybe I can begin to heal!!

Mar 24, 2014
Criminal Charges?
by: Anonymous

Can grandparents be charged for stealing your child when you as a mother is unaware that they are Narcissistic and are abusing their authority to steal your child and your life away from you? Isn't this stealing and destruction of your human rights? Or is it okay to steal children and not okay to steal objects?

Mar 12, 2014
Sever the ties
by: Anonymous

Narcissistic grandparents will steal your children. From the time my son was young, my 'mom' undermined my authority. It's best to cut contact with them. These kinds of grandparents shouldn't be around kids.

Oct 21, 2013
if
by: Anonymous

If Id only known this and not been in a state of 'FOG' about THEM and THEIR MINIONS my daughters would be free and see their evil- and THEY would not have ANY avenues to them or my grandchildren.
I pray that my daughters begin to see the truth as I am NC for life and now FREE and they watch and SEE me...

Sep 23, 2013
My mother has NPD and has stolen my daughters love
by: DSteck88102@gmail.com

My mother has constantly gone behind my back picking up my daughter and taking her places without my permission. She lives with her father though we do have shared custody. I have asked to please ask me if she wants to take my daughter anywhere. My daughter is now 18 so I have nothing to say now about it but I used to tell her she needed to ask me too if she wanted to take her but she absolutely refused to. I have cut all ties with her and my daughter also. My daughter does not call me or Email me though I have asked her to. My mother is a raging narcissist. She adores talking about herself and is rarely interested in what you have to say. he always swings the conversation to talk about herself. I have tried to insert myself in my daughters life but I am always shot done by my mother. I have decided to cut both of them out of my life, I can't handle the pain the bring to me. I do not believe that my daughter knows what is going on but my mother certainly does. I think she enjoys it. If I try to talk to her about a problem in my life she switches the conversation to herself or minimizes the pain I am going through. I can't get near my daughter when she is around. I wish she were dead. She was very abusive to me when I was growing up. Now she has emotionally kidnapped my daughter.

Jul 01, 2013
Severe ties before it's too late....
by: Anonymous

I have a 15 yo son who has been living with my narcisstic "mom" off and on for the last while. My hands are tied, all avenues say there is nothing I can do.

I have lost my son and never realized until it was too late that since he was a small toddler visits were spend bath mouthing me and setting him against me.

He HATES me, I am a good mom, guilty only of trying to teach about integrity, responsibility, boundries and accountability. I see now I was the scapegoat child, any time I voices my dislike, powerful guilt trips would be dished out.

I have a 5 yo as well and have severed the ties completely. Last time she saw him she put his life at risk for her own convenience, and continued to complain about what an inconvenience he was to her.

He is asd and his loyalty to me is touching and I've never known such love :) he hates her, and has no emotional attachment to her or my father. Severe the ties before you loose a child....

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