Narcissistic Grandparent Hell!

by Mike
(NY)

I have just severed ties with my narcissistic mother. It only took 32 years and a custody battle over our 4 year old son to do so.

Grandparent right's laws are great tools to exact painful revenge on a narcissistic mothers children for access to her grandchildren.

Grandchildren are prized sources of narcissistic supply. Once they have been given a taste of that pure uncut love and dependency, they will go to any lengths to secure access to that supply.That's what happened to my wife and I.

We made the terrible mistake of allowing my mother to participate in the babysitting arrangement believing that she would behave for fear of losing her access to her grandchild. We were trying to be inclusive. We wanted to "do the right thing".

We were wrong. She acted inappropriately around our son and disrespected our parental authority. Another family member witnessed the behavior and we suspended her access.

She filed with the court almost immediately seeking court ordered unsupervised visitation. We were dragged through hell but we prevailed.

I have now been ostracized from her extended family and friends. People I have known my whole life. I am free though.

My wife and I are free and we are happy. My children and I will never have to suffer through another ruined event or holiday season.

Life is much better but I am still trying to recover from the trauma of having someone go after our child. Part of that process is to learn about this disorder and understand it.

This website definitely helped me. Thanks.

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Aug 25, 2015
Finding Nevaeh
by: Finding Nevaeh

Iam h deal with my granddaughter mother /mother she has kept my granddaughter away from us for over a year.She has also told her that I'm her godmother and she has been telling her this for 8 years and I did not know this.This.woman is brainwashing all the children in her care.How can she traumatize these children and get away with it.I have seen control but when you manipulate children in such a evil way to her the ones they love.God will fix this, it's all ready done. ......

Aug 17, 2015
please help
by: Anonymous

Hello I need help and prayers. I live in texas first of all i have a beautiful 16 month old son my mother called cps or dcf in some states on me. When cps started to investigate i completely complied i have done everything they have asked of me. this has pissed off my mom to know end i guess she thought if she made up enough lies about me thatt they would place my son with her. they didnt so now not only is she hindering the investigation and everything else wasting tax payers money calling in false accusations she is trying to take me to court for temporary custody. i have to come up with 1500 $$ to retain a lawyer in 14 to 21 days in order to protect myself and my son. its not even about the best interest of my son anymore its about her narcissistic self. please help...

Jun 27, 2015
dear 21June Granddaughter
by: Lynda

Dear Lovely,
You give me inspiration and strength. I hope my girls become as astute and loyal as you. I am sure your mother loves you beyond the stars.
I found this site through despair. The moderator is sensational.
Unfortunately, Narcissistic grandparents will do anything to attack. Narcissistic parents play on the damage they have created.
I believe, in my case, it is good that our case is going to trial. (It is my understanding that DoFaCs messed up, there is evidence to show this, evidence to prove my case, and records to show the hell that I have endured).
Sadly, due to false allegations, and me having to take action, I haven't seen or heard from my girls in 9 months (the impetus for further abuse was my marriage...3 years now, someone loved me and I am no longer controlled...even finishing my degree I started in 1989).
I pray that the girls, 6 & 11 will understand. I hope that they are not too indoctrinated, and I know oneday, they will learn the truth.
I almost died having both of them, as a single Mum. I thought I had enough love to make their lives a wonderful place. Playing, working 3 jobs, having a mortgage...and living for them....BTW., kidney failure, heart meds...(forever)I would do it ALL again for them.
My BIGGEST fear, is that there will suffer the control and abuse that I did. I weighed 34 kgs for 20 years of my life (weight was the only thing I could control from 16-36).
I am not hopeless, and I detest being a victim.
I want the nightmares to stop. I want my babies home. And MOST of all, I want them to be confident and FREE to be themselves, KNOW I am HERE for them FOREVER, PURSUE their dreams and be HAPPY.
I miss them to the stars and beyond X infinity.
You MsGrandchild., give me hope.
Thank-you.
Lynda

Jun 27, 2015
dear 21June Granddaughter
by: Lynda

Dear Lovely,
You give me inspiration and strength. I hope my girls become as astute and loyal as you. I am sure your mother loves you beyond the stars.
I found this site through despair. The moderator is sensational.
Unfortunately, Narcissistic grandparents will do anything to attack. Narcissistic parents play on the damage they have created.
I believe, in my case, it is good that our case is going to trial. (It is my understanding that DoFaCs messed up, there is evidence to show this, evidence to prove my case, and records to show the hell that I have endured).
Sadly, due to false allegations, and me having to take action, I haven't seen or heard from my girls in 9 months (the impetus for further abuse was my marriage...3 years now, someone loved me and I am no longer controlled...even finishing my degree I started in 1989).
I pray that the girls, 6 & 11 will understand. I hope that they are not too indoctrinated, and I know oneday, they will learn the truth.
I almost died having both of them, as a single Mum. I thought I had enough love to make their lives a wonderful place. Playing, working 3 jobs, having a mortgage...and living for them....BTW., kidney failure, heart meds...(forever)I would do it ALL again for them.
My BIGGEST fear, is that there will suffer the control and abuse that I did. I weighed 34 kgs for 20 years of my life (weight was the only thing I could control from 16-36).
I am not hopeless, and I detest being a victim.
I want the nightmares to stop. I want my babies home. And MOST of all, I want them to be confident and FREE to be themselves, KNOW I am HERE for them FOREVER, PURSUE their dreams and be HAPPY.
I miss them to the stars and beyond X infinity.
You MsGrandchild., give me hope.
Thank-you.
Lynda

Jun 21, 2015
As the Granddaughter
by: Anonymous

Most comments I have seen have been from the perspective of mother with young(ish) children that they are trying to protect. I hope to offer a bit of a different perspective as an adult with a narcissistic grandmother:
She has always been "crazy", ie: "misremembering" her behavior (not lying of course! Sweet Nana would never lie to you! ha), however in the last few days she has actually gone off the deep end.

Several years ago she coerced my mother into moving across the country and back into her house after my father lost his job. "We can help each other." "I'm getting old and I need your help." I was already in college, but I helped the remainder of my family move in. Immediately she started flipping out about people touching her things (like the TV remote) and told our extended family that we made her sell her stuff (old trinkets that she herself had elected to sell at a garage sale). After a few months she kicked out my entire family.

Fast forward several years (several long drama filled "why-don't-you-love-me-even-though-I-make-up-lies-about-you-and-your-children" years) and my family was moving back near me again. Hallelujah. Getting away from the extended family who now hated them for "disrepecting" Narcissistic Nana. A few large furniture items never made it out of Nana's garage in the quick exodus from her house, and my father (aka Nana's son-in-law) takes my 16 year old brother to go pick up the stuff so they can move in peace. Nana doesn't like that. She calls her sons. Both of them come over and start attempting to assault my father and baby brother. Nana bolts. I call her asking just what the hell was going on over there (she pretends not to know who I am. Literally "Who are you? Which granddaughter?" She only has three smh). I am then promptly told not to fight my mother's battles. My mother?? That's who this is about? My mother who is sitting at home freaking out because her brothers are trying to beat up her son and husband? Who you haven't talked to (except to scream at at Christmastime) in several years?
Anyway, there are now pending charges on both her sons. But hey, so long as she avoided conflict, right?

All this a a long way to say : Get your kids out. Maybe its not appropriate to say "We're not seeing grandma any more because she's a crazy bitch" to a 5 year old, but you can be sure that that is what is being whispered to your child when you're not there. Maybe (hopefully) in gentler terminology. Quietly, slowly, tactfully, your Narcissistic Mother will attempt to seduce your children away from you. Blatant favoritism can pit grandchild against grandchild. I was able to drink, watch porn, sneak out and run amok at an inappropriately young age at Narcissistic Nana's house. Luckily I didn't spend a lot of alone overnight time at her house.

The problem is you have two options. You can remove your kids before there is an issue, or you can wait for the time when they realize her insanity on their own and hope she can't corrupt them before that. Just tread with caution.

Jun 02, 2015
might be getting away from Mom FINALY
by: in trouble

My mom has NPD as well, and she almost killed me growing up, then she married an enabler. Life got worse, I left at 15 to get away.
By 19 I was a mom myself, and she came back around and was all lovely grammy material, till the first time she called DCF on me to try and take my son. He was 2. I cut all contact with her, for 3 years. Then my husband and I got divorced and she paid for HIS lawyer so he could take my 3 kids and give them to HER !!
I cut all contact again for about another 3 years, then we let her come back around( i know im stupid but in my defense I had never even heard the words NPD then)
so I started letting her take the kids 1 at a time for a few weeks each summer. Everything seemed to be OK , she was kind to them, which was my only worry that she not hurt them.
till this summer, I let her take my 13 year old and DCF showed up at my door with a crazy report that i was terribly abusive, well I immediately went and got my son, I KNEW my mom was the cause, she had my son runaway and offered to hide him at a friend of hers house, so she could file for custody based on the DCF Investigation( which went well btw, they came , saw the house, talked to my other kids and told her to give me back my son), now I found a damn secret sell she gave him and made him swear not to tell me he had , so he could report our day to day lives back to her , so she can use anything she can against us... used his love for her, to make him try to and hurt us, she is now cut off forever , becuase now I understand NPD< thank you everyone , your storys showed me there is never going to be any healing for her !!

May 25, 2015
Feeling Hopeless
by: Anonymous

My narcissistic mother is taking me to court for visitation for my son, even though she had visitation. It just wasn't the visitation she wanted. I stopped overnight visitation because my son was failing all of his classes, but we still had dinners with her. That wasn't good enough and she came over to tell me that she was taking me to court. Afterwards she called repeatedly threatening that she has more money than me and she'll die broke taking me to court. She told me that if I didn't agree to what she wanted before court that my son would be taken away from me, despite the fact that I'm a good mom. It was scary. At our first court date it was made clear that the judge is on her side. She even put her hands on me in the courtroom, in front of court officials, and nothing was said or done. I was able to get a PO, but I dropped it at our second court date because she agreed to no contact and therapy. She continued the contact and was not in therapy by our third court date. The judge said that she was in contempt of court, but did not find her in contempt, and gave her another chance to get help and set yet another court date. How do you fight a narcissistic mother that is hell bent on destroying you in every way possible and a court system that is siding with your narcissistic mother? How do you fight it when you no longer have the money to fight it? How do you protect your child against someone when the court refuses to see or listen to the evidence that shows that person is abusive? I have no more money to pay my lawyer, I've already spent it all on lawyers. I feel as though I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one is listening. No one wants to hear about an abusive grandmother and my voice has grown silent. The abuse continues and the court is allowing it and I have realised that there is nothing I can do.

May 06, 2015
How to deal with them
by: Anonymous

In my humble opinion the best way to deal with them is to give them enough rope and they hang themselves. That's what my NPD mother did! She had 2 hours with the CAFCASS officer and just slagged me off and put me down the whole time. The interview was meant to be about my daughter but she is just obcessed at trying to destroy my life my daughter hardly got mentioned! It was thanks to my health condition ME/ chronic fatigue. It was through attending a course about that I realised I had been mentally and emotionally abused by my NPD mother. Yes standing up to her this last year has been very hard but the truth came out in the end - by ruling of the family court and her not being given any direct contact. So please all hang in there it will be ok. I am in the UK but I would like to divorce my mother and get her off my birth certificate. Any ideas anyone????

May 06, 2015
in response to Grandma stole my kids
by: Lynda

Sorry....we've had floods here. .. blinked out
Now. my brother has.just tried to intimidate me. Our childhood wasn't sooo grand (he was younger and paid off..is $740,000 a payoff?) I can't be paid off...a slamming of a door make me jump. I have PTSD...5 broken ribs, fractured eye socket, shoulder reconstruction. The perpetrators are the people (who didn't bother) that my mother is relying on. We seek approval, being Ioyal, exposing our children wo the perpetrators, and having very difficult, awful PSTD nightmares (even after counselling. ; I
other family encouragement (who won't speak being intimidated) . Even the Debra can't comment.
This abuse DOES happen. Unfortunately, the law can.only handle DV,. Not family violence (and I don't JUST mean physical). In FACT, it's either sexual,.emotional or family, t you have suffered..probably the gamet like me...drink chammmomile tea with honey before bed..YOU For your children, be there. Note. I can't promise it wi

May 06, 2015
in response to Grandma stole my kids
by: Lynda

Thankyou. I thought I was going mad. What on earth do these women think they are doing ( mothers and mother-in-laws? After having a child, you look to your family for support..not to take over and in doing so, turnyour children against you.
I suffered the emotional brunt of witnessing my parents DV. From both of them....not very surprising consideng my father says "all women are parasites", and being united against me., is the one thing that keeps them together...Mum's in the good books (she now has loads of new jewellery on her wrists and hands)! I will NEVER suffer. , DV, again in my life. NOTHING would take my sou t
My brother though, who did see this., who call,ed me upset, who told me to drive 250km out" (now a VP in a catholic school, in another state, who's daughter was almost taken by DOFACS). He is now against me. He was very spoilt, got what he wanted from my folks, and bailed..leaving me.
I am quite concerned that maybe his daughter is in trouble. He tried to intimidate me, the night before court. Sending me a text I had

May 06, 2015
Same here!!!
by: Anonymous UK

I have a malignant narcissist mother and I too have just won a family court case against her. She spouted so many lies and proven false allegations and threatened my business assosciates that if they didn't sign statements against me for her she would ruin their business!! The UK family court and cafcass saw straight through her! They REFUSED to order any direct (face to face) contact as even professionally supervised contact was deemed to much of a risk to my daughter. She can send a letter once a month to a neutral address!!! It's been the hardest year of my life standing up to the abuse she has administered mentally and emotionally for so many years but being able to protect my daughter from her has made it all worthwhile. Even murderers and paedophiles and rapists get professionally supervised contact! NO DIRECT contact says it all!! My Mother really is HELL on 2 legs!!! It is 1 year next week since I last saw IT outside of a court room!!!

May 06, 2015
Grandma Stole My Kids
by: Anonymous

My mother called DCF on me accusing me of false allegations. It took several attempts and some crafty thinking before she was able to come up with clever enough allegations to which I couldn't immediately or ever prove were bogus. I reluctantly signed dcf's case plan because I was told I had no choice and that would be the fastest way to get my children back. After complying with every demand and jumping through every hoop I still didn't get my kids back. My mom was awarded permanent guardianship but I still had parental rights
Baffled by this judgement I investigated further because when I signed the case plan it stated do the following x,x,x and get your kids back (I did x,x,x). There is no clause or mention of it but they get statements from the person who is temporarily supervising your children if they think you should have your children. Considering she was the reason my kids were taken her statement was not in my favor. This has ruined my life. Such behavior on DCFs part is innapropriate and down right dirty. This is a real problem for many and needs to be sought into by courts when dealing with custody issues and battles.

Feb 26, 2015
re comment 25/02/2015
by: Lynda

Dear Sweet Lady,
I have often thought I was mad, pathetic and alone. Obviously you, like me have researched this ...(and there. are men on this site as well..who can see, hurt and acknowledge the pain of this ). This behaviour from our parents...is highly "hush-hushed". ...probably from us, and probably from .."conditioning". I refuse to believe we are the product of our parents. I do believe it IS REALLY DIFFICULT for the courts to decipher this "affliction" our family members have. In actual fact, I want to put them on a raft, and cast them out to sea (yes, you do expect your mother to love you...sometimes it's not reality, no matter how many excuses or reasons...), I do this in my mind. THEIR behaviour (no matter how long they have suffered, what they have endured...or how it"s changed them), is THEIR choice. People can
blame their mother's mother"s morher...or their father's father"s father. It is nothing BUT an excuse for their OWN failings. MY CHOICE, is not to carry that on. I am opting out of this violence cycle. And by whatever deity (can't say "a mother's love", or a father's whatever), just by ME, as the person I am, REFUSE to let my children (or any children ) be exposed to it.
I am 45, old enough to be a GRANDMOTHER to the children they shamed me into aborting....I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A FANTASTIC STEP-MOTHER (I tell the kids that anyway...;-p).
MY POINT IS: YOU ARE NOT ALONE...KEEP GOING.
And don't let ANYONE rape your life...IT'S YOURS. Xxx

Feb 25, 2015
im not alone?
by: Anonymous nh

wow im educating myself and now know what i must do to survive she (the grandmother) will not brainwash and steal my girl. There are people out there that know what im going through. We will soon be free

Feb 15, 2015
Celebrating your severance!
by: Anonymous

Good for you! I did the exact same with my mega NPD birth mother. I severed ties for good. I finally dumped the apple pie in the sky crap to keep trying. Yet now I realize that I am worth protecting and so is my daughter, and my family. No longer are we the scapegoats! NPD's can't sleep at night unless they have one. Celebrate your freedom! Psychologists and psychiatrists alike will all tell you the only cure from a mega NPD like ours is complete and total separation. Breathe easy now, heal and go ahead and sleep at night. You are free indeed!

PS. It only took me 40 years to make my divorce from my birth mom official and it was the best decision I ever made. So give yourself a big pat on the back for your wisdom!

Feb 09, 2015
How true
by: Anonymous

I too am currently fighting through court to keep my narcissistic mother away from my child!! The cafcass officer has seen through her! Now my mother has complained about the cafcass officer! Now she wants the court to order physc reports on both of us! My little girl is 5 years old and my mother had already started manipulating her! It's quite sick! Thank god for this website. X

Feb 08, 2015
One thing we all need to remember....IS
by: Anonymous

the fact that we are writing these posts, means we know that what is happening isn't right. That is not saying that our behaviour hasn't been affected by our parents, but the first step to solving a problem is recognition.
I posted 20th December. I still haven't seen my children. WE did attend court (and have to go back), but I can take some comfort in the magistrate's effort to see through the veil of lies submitted by my parents and investigate further. The children have to attend a child inclusive conference (which will be detrimental to my case., my parents and the 2 abusers have had a year to cajole them into "their ways").
However, my counsellor has seen through them, the solicitor has also., and the magistrate is curious; giving my hope that others will too. Along with that, there are people suffering similarly (thankyou DJ), so I no longer feel insane or isolated. The only difficulty I have is believing what a mess my parents have made, the consequences of it., and how I am going to "fix" it.
Chin up people. Thankyou for this forum.
Lynda

Feb 08, 2015
Narcissistic grandmother
by: Anonymous

Reading the original post was like reading my situation. I have the narcissistic mother from hell. She made 19 false (proven false allegations) to social services then has dragged me through court for contact with my daughter. She asked the court for cafcass to do a section 7 report. The report has come back totally in my favour NO direct contact and now she's made a complaint about the cafcass officer and has asked for physciatric reports on both of us! Whatever next???? We are back in court Friday. At least the cafcass officer is getting it now as well as me! Due to the false allegations a lovely social worker came in and did an initial assessment and case was closed. I suppose he will be the next to be complained about too my my completely nuts mother!! How comforting to know I not the only one with a freak of a mother.

Jan 31, 2015
grandparents from hell
by: Anonymous

I am in a most night marish situation. I am a single mother of two little boys. And I am 5 months pregnant. I have been living with my parents since my divorce thinking that they had more money to help me provide a more comfortable life for my boys. But, since we both moved to Israel, my parents have shown to be even more abusive than they had been over my years of growing up with them. My parents yell and hit my boys. And they are very religious so the fact that I am pregnant outside of marriage makes them think they have a right to call me a whore. I finally found the courage to make the decision to leave Israel and move back to my homeland Toronto Canada, when my parents found out they took a court order against me that stated I was not allowed to leave the country, and they are requesting legal custody of them. Everything in the order are lies and I was being investigated by social services who don't even know me, I've only been in Israel for 2 months, and now I am waiting for the legal hell to be over. Social services even threatened to take my boys away from me, and with out any other reason than what my parents lied about to them and in the court order.

They stole our passports and they have a lot of money to pay for lawyers.

I am praying that the boys don't suffer longer from this hell whole. Social services even denied me the right to stay at a shelter because I felt unsafe at my parents home because they say right now I am more of a threat to the boys, without due cause or proof!

Dec 20, 2014
My narcissistic mother...and father
by: Anonymous

have lied., cheated, spread rumors, made false allegations.., becuase finally I married someone who didn't abuse me. She got social services in on it, by making false pleas...and my children were put in her care. After extensive investigation, social services closed the case. However, my parents continue to deny me contact with the children. They have exposed the children to the very 2 men who actually viciously assaulted me the girls' fathers...without any permission (and yes, finally after years, I broke free from the circle of violence I grew up in).
It has been extremely distressful. I have cried almost every night since our wedding...and it has gotten to the point that we have filed for permanent custody with hopefully no access.
I am glad I have discovered this site. I'm not crazy...they are out of control. In 2 years she has only attempted to call me, since she received her court summons...all digits crossed. x

Dec 18, 2014
Narc Grandkid
by: Anonymous

I have a narcissistic grandmother and growing up was like hell.

She's my dad's mom and she's been manipulating my family to stay where my dad grew up too.

I was mostly her golden grandchild but got the abuse of a scapegoat as well because my sister stayed with my mom mostly.

She would talk behind my mom's back about how terrible my mom was and her side of the family.

I realize now that she was a total liar and my mom's side is waaay better and nicer.

She convinced me earlier on to stay with her by enticing me with trinkets and money (pocket change is a lot of money to a kid).

She would beat me and enjoyed smothering my face with dog feces as a child. (I don't get disgusted easily anymore because of that)

She made it seem like it was my fault for setting her off and would tell me that it would be worse off if I ever told anyone about what happened.

As a kid, that was the only normal I knew!

I eventually realized what abuse was and what a huge lying and manipulative bitch she has been and continues to be.

I was suicidal as young as the 1st grade though I didn't know why.

I always felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was useless.

If narcissists worsen as they age, and from my experience, they do...

then imagine your childhood experiences with a narcissistic mother made even worse by the now seasoned narc grandmother!

Keep them away from children. I still have a long waaay to go to undo her abuse on me....

Nov 30, 2014
toxic family revealed.
by: gettopoint

I am so sorry that you had to deal with that most horrible betrayal by someone who should provide a loving positive influence for you entire family.

I had a similar situation in that both my parents and my sister helped my ex-husband take my son from me in a custody battle that ended up being about my sister (my husbands NOW WIFE) and my sons, NOW STEP MOM.

It started with an affair my sister had with my husband at the time that ended in them marrying then successfully manipulating the court to take my child from me and place him with his aunt/step-mother and adoptive father.

That side of my family is so sick that they would all know of the affair and SAY or do nothing to protect my child from the instability they knew would ensue as a result of the chaos.

My concern now is that my son is being exposed to these unhealthy people and seems to be successfully brainwashed by the most horrible people I have ever known.

I wish that I could protect my son from them but he is very enmeshed in their toxic game and has been so much to the point that it seems now my egg donor pushed him toward her despite the obvious knowledge of my marriage and love for my family.

Sometime it seems all we have left is to recognize as has been so eloquently said that when people show you who they are believe them.

Sep 30, 2014
Not alone!!
by: Anonymous

Your not alone.
My mother is narc AND terminally ill. It's like dealing with a harpy on steroids. Its unrelenting and despite being absolutely no contact she keeps on coming. II have gone to great lengths to change phone numbers, cell phone numbers, emails and have completely deleted my online presence. When she couldnt get to me or get others after me that way the lawyers letters started. First she was claiming I stole from her, then it was threatening family court for visitation for the kids. When that didn't work the letters to the house and suddenly people who Ii haven't seen in forever taking a very targeted interest in my life....no doubt reporting back. How do I know? I lied to them. Fed them a bunch of bullshit to see what surfaced in the next raging letter of the awful mother. It's amazing the accuracy of their reporting but it did give me a laugh to hear I was 4 months pregnant, separating from my partner of 8 years and back collecting welfare.......none of which is true lol
I have a light at the end of the tunnel though. don't feel guilty saying I will be relieved when it's over.

Sep 06, 2014
TargetedByNarcissists
by: Ardilla

HELP!
I have been targeted by narcissists literally my entire life starting at young childhood. FOUR of them are RELATIVES!
What Im wondering is……now that I have finally got my EXTREME narcissist/socipath ex out of my house and filed dissolution papers that he actually signed the joinder for (just to impress his sex-partners), I no longer want any contact with him at all whatsoever!
I am preparing to do this, but I know that when I do, you-know-what is going to HIT THE FAN like crazy! When he is truly "cut off" from me, he is going to go even more crazy on getting his vengeance out on me with his damaging slander and defamation.
What I want to know is, can he actually get me in trouble with the law by getting all of his "groupies" on his side saying I supposedly "did something" to him?? This is exactly what I expect of him.
Exactly! This pretty much describes the two faced back stabbing snake he is TO A 'T' !! What am I supposed to do? have a camera running 24/7 around me to show that Im not even going down into that other county where he lives? How in the world am I supposed to "prove" my innocence when he startes spewing his @*#@?? Because, believe me, he WILL do it, because he's going to be so angry, he's going to have another one of his narcissistic rages. He'll get everyone around him to join in with him against me even more than he already has, and Im actually afraid of what he may do this time.
Anyone that can help me with this?

Aug 08, 2014
NPD Grandmother
by: Christina

After two years of not talking to my mom (NO CONATACT), I re-established a relationship with her etc… I asked my mom to come to help in my first baby’s delivery I was very happy with her answer that she was going to come, I believed her, why not. (Big Mistake) However, My husband was skeptical and warned me, I know you love your mother, but she is going to pull something nasty to get into a fight with you and not to have to come over to do something. I told him that he was a paranoid psycho “jokingly” and moved on and so on. As my pregnancy with my daughter progressed she started making upsetting comments such as, “call me when you are 5 centimeters dilated.” Eventually as my pregnancy became closer to its end, she decided to boycott my baby shower. If this was not enough, she called to brag and tell me what she has done, and when I told her my feeling about it, she dismissed them as if they were unimportant.
When I talked to her again, months after my baby was born, all she did was throw my cousin under the bus, and try to say that she wanted to do a baby shower the next day…etc...And that she made phone-calls to me to that effect There are things that you don’t do regardless of excuses (or reasons, as she likes to call it) and that is boycott a baby’s shower.
Months later she came with the excuse that she told my cousin "only an opinion". But, even if she gave only an opinion, She immediately called me to tell me about it, bragging about flexing her muscle, and when I complained, she basically told me to eat it. Her actions challenge the logic of her "opinion only theory" and even if this really happened as she says it did, once she made the call to brag about it, she owned the deed.
My husbands' prediction came true, she did something so nasty, to get away from the commitment.
Fine, I am kind hearted and I forgive her and expected her to change.
Then I became pregnant with my second baby. Again, my mother first answer was "yes I drop everything, I will be there." This was very important because I needed my husband to be there during my delivery.
As my pregnancy proceeded, My husband told me, again told me that my mom was going to do the same thing as before, pick a fight in order not to help. But this time he also told me what she was trying to do. He told me that she was obsessed in taking my daughter overnight to her house overnight and that she would try to do it at the last minute before labor. I could not believe it.
As my pregnancy progressed close to my delivery date she started to pick a fight again and began stressing me by saying things like;
1. Well… if that my brother might not be there to take his own kids, and she cannot leave
2. ridiculous tales about my brother's in laws.
3. When I called to tell her, on June 10th about my scheduled delivery to be on the 24th of June she told me that let her see her calendar and to call her a week later on the 17th (of June) to talk about it.
A few weeks before my son's birth we went for lunch at a Pizza restaurant, when my husband mentioned that he was going to be at the house at least 3 times the day after delivery her jaw dropped like someone dropped a ton of bricks on her.
During the months before my son's birth, she consistently avoided the subject of actually helping me with my son at the hospital after the delivery by saying things such as: let the nurses take care of him or whatever. So finally, I had to confront her about her plans and she told me:
“I was just planning if push comes to shove to take my daughter to her home in another county and come back immediately. I just was not going to tell you because I did not want to upset you with the details”
This is something that my mother and I talked about several times. My husband and I, for whatever reasons we have, and we have many of them, we are the parents and we do not want her away from us. She was going to take our child without permission and against our wishes.
After saying this, she threw my sister in law, and my brother and the new nanny and whomever she could find under the bus (unnecessarily). Because after you say that you are going take or contemplate taking my child without permission and against our wishes, there is nothing else you can say or blame. There is no un-ringing that bell; you cannot say that I misunderstood because my husband heard that same thing, and told me he heard enough. She cannot say that she did not meant it, because her plan was obvious.
It was her plan all along to have it both ways. She was only not going to help with the delivery of my son, but she was going to take my daughter without permission. It is not that my husband had a crystal ball or special powers, he was independently telling me what he could see coming all along, but since I am more emotionally involved I could not realize. Maybe I should have not asked her from the beginning, but it is difficult for me to understand or accept that my mom would act this way. She would have waited until I am in labor to take my child and create a bigger disaster. Can you imagine me in labor, without pain medication, and this happening?
The narrative follows what happened with my daughter’s baby shower. After, she got caught and "told off" after boycotting the party, my mother claims that she planned her own grand party etc and she called me to that effect. Now, after the conversation when I told her that we are done, she called to say that the nanny whom was working “as a favor” for my sister in law, all of the sudden was fully available and left a cryptic message saying “that everything was a go” and a few days later she sends a message that she was ready to spend 2 weeks here in Stockton and to let her now so my sister in law- can schedule her nanny (who is making her a favor to work for her) This is her mode of operation (pattern). Just as she did with the baby shower: after she is being dismissed or caught, she then offers things that she has no intention in doing because she was sure that no one would accept them anymore. Just a month before my son's birth, she said that she may stay at most 2 days. After she gets caught, she offers 2 weeks. After someone tells you that you are going to kidnap your child you cannot let them around your child and cry foul if they take them away. She is trying to look good after what she tried to pull.
This is the same thing she does with everything she does. It is hard for me to continue a relationship with someone who pulls this kind of thing constantly and insults me at every turn. Breaking her appointments with me because of someone else, who is not even her daughter, decided to do something with her at the last minute. I simply no need this. This makes me upset constantly and distance from her helps. She managed to ruin and stress my two pregnancies. I understand that you may not see it the same way because you are not emotionally involved as I am with her. This changes the dynamics of everything. Talking about why I am not talking to her, and what she said, and stuff like that brings the memories of these things and others she did to me makes me very upset.
I have finally put her on "NO CONTACT" FOREVER!!!!

Jul 30, 2014
Narcissistic Hell Bent Grandmother
by: Anonymous


Does anyone have any resources for how to keep Narcissistic Grandmothers away from your child? At age 43 I am the last & youngest of three daughters who was still speaking with her. I am finally choosing to end the tyranny & cut off all contact however my Narcissistic Mother laughed at me when I informed her she will have limited access to my child.

She has been poisoning my ex husbands mind and pitting us against each other since day she met him and he has hard time saying no to her. She always circumvents me for access to my eight year old Son & will bully or guilt him into submission against my wishes.

She continually expresses to me that having my Son "is the greatest gift anyone ever gave to her" in light of my response to her that I did not bear the child as a gift or offering to her.

She blatantly refuses to honor our wishes as parents and will take him on long trips across the bay without notifying us or obtaining consent when he is in her care. She uses my Son as bait to gain entree to see family members who have cut off contact completely with her or with whom she has alienated me as the mother from.

She goes to his school without our permission to speak with his teacher and lectures us about his academic performance. She will take other family members who are in the midst of malicious infighting she instigates and picks up my son without my foreknowledge from day care or school to spend the day with them while they spend an afternoon slandering me within his presence.

When I informed her I would be removing her from the list of authorized persons at school etc. & she would not have access to my child outside his father or my presence she laughed in my face.

She constantly uses my ex husband to obtain knowledge about me when I attempt to cut ties. In addition we are on a mortgage in a house less than half a mile away from her so she's got us just where she wants us...unable to prevent the occasional pop ins or drive bys or outrageous checking of any doors or windows unlocked to gain access to house in our absence. This is my ex husbands house. I moved away and tried to keep secret but she knows where I live now and pops by for the occasional embarrassing screaming confrontation for the benefit of my neighbors....always appearing the frail old victim with the ungrateful daughter.

I have tried to get my ex husband on board but she manipulates him and he just can't stand up to her. I thought about threatening him with filing for child support if he allows her access to my Son as an incentive to say no to her but I fear My Mother would simply offer him that she will pay the monthly amt. to keep my Son within in her control. To this day my oldest sisters children continue to hear an incessant stream of slander and attempted brainwashing even as grown adults about their Mother.

She is tireless in her campaign to undermine our positions and is now going to start indoctrinating my Son. If his Father is bullied and intimidated by the narcissist (which, btw he fully admits) to a point he can't say no....what recourse do I have?

My Mother has sabotaged me and left me penniless after convincing me to entrust her with my life savings..... Then "losing" it.... Rendering me destitute and under her control then further adding insult to injury by denying me any financial support whatsoever in the form of a loan even though I've always paid her back as agreed. so hiring a lawyer isn't a possibility. Will a restraining order work to keep her away even if the father is still under her manipulation?

Daughter of a DiS-FuCKeD-Up Mother

Jul 29, 2014
JUST THE OPPOSITE
by: Anonymous

I have the opposite problem. My narcissistic MIL does not interact with my children at all!! Believe me, I'm grateful!!!! Now that I have a "name" to her madness, I am happy she doesn't f@@@ with my children. She will call her son (my weak-ass husband) 20 PLUS times a day (he's the golden boy) and NEVER ask about the kids. Will only "make mention" of them when I ask him why doesn't she even call to wish them happy birthday...then it tapers off. What a dysfunctional family!! You'll should just see them! Noe that I have the name of the sickness I seen in the entire unit, I sit back, continue on with my plans to move (in secret) and laugh at the whole bunch!! What a bunch of comical, entangled, dysfunctional idiots that think so highly of themselves!! LMAO!! Oh..and the "hubby" leaving his weak ass too! Good riddance!

May 03, 2014
"41 YEARS OF HELL"
by: Anonymous

Ever since my daughter was born, my mother and father have underminded me as a parent.Being a single parent and living with them for two years gave them power and created guilt due to their help. I am 41 years old and just got married to a wonderful man.My narcissistic mother has turned my 18 completely against me!! I am being punished for getting married and my husband and i are treated terribly!! Thank God i am not alone!! Learning about Narcissistic parents is helping me to understand it is not my fault and I am a good person!! maybe I can begin to heal!!

Mar 24, 2014
Criminal Charges?
by: Anonymous

Can grandparents be charged for stealing your child when you as a mother is unaware that they are Narcissistic and are abusing their authority to steal your child and your life away from you? Isn't this stealing and destruction of your human rights? Or is it okay to steal children and not okay to steal objects?

Mar 12, 2014
Sever the ties
by: Anonymous

Narcissistic grandparents will steal your children. From the time my son was young, my 'mom' undermined my authority. It's best to cut contact with them. These kinds of grandparents shouldn't be around kids.

Oct 21, 2013
if
by: Anonymous

If Id only known this and not been in a state of 'FOG' about THEM and THEIR MINIONS my daughters would be free and see their evil- and THEY would not have ANY avenues to them or my grandchildren.
I pray that my daughters begin to see the truth as I am NC for life and now FREE and they watch and SEE me...

Sep 23, 2013
My mother has NPD and has stolen my daughters love
by: DSteck88102@gmail.com

My mother has constantly gone behind my back picking up my daughter and taking her places without my permission. She lives with her father though we do have shared custody. I have asked to please ask me if she wants to take my daughter anywhere. My daughter is now 18 so I have nothing to say now about it but I used to tell her she needed to ask me too if she wanted to take her but she absolutely refused to. I have cut all ties with her and my daughter also. My daughter does not call me or Email me though I have asked her to. My mother is a raging narcissist. She adores talking about herself and is rarely interested in what you have to say. he always swings the conversation to talk about herself. I have tried to insert myself in my daughters life but I am always shot done by my mother. I have decided to cut both of them out of my life, I can't handle the pain the bring to me. I do not believe that my daughter knows what is going on but my mother certainly does. I think she enjoys it. If I try to talk to her about a problem in my life she switches the conversation to herself or minimizes the pain I am going through. I can't get near my daughter when she is around. I wish she were dead. She was very abusive to me when I was growing up. Now she has emotionally kidnapped my daughter.

Jul 01, 2013
Severe ties before it's too late....
by: Anonymous

I have a 15 yo son who has been living with my narcisstic "mom" off and on for the last while. My hands are tied, all avenues say there is nothing I can do.

I have lost my son and never realized until it was too late that since he was a small toddler visits were spend bath mouthing me and setting him against me.

He HATES me, I am a good mom, guilty only of trying to teach about integrity, responsibility, boundries and accountability. I see now I was the scapegoat child, any time I voices my dislike, powerful guilt trips would be dished out.

I have a 5 yo as well and have severed the ties completely. Last time she saw him she put his life at risk for her own convenience, and continued to complain about what an inconvenience he was to her.

He is asd and his loyalty to me is touching and I've never known such love :) he hates her, and has no emotional attachment to her or my father. Severe the ties before you loose a child....

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