Home
The Psychological Side.... what is narcissism
toxic love
other disorders
winning the game
The Dark Side.... Jezebel's gods
Stay in Touch..... Contact Us
Jezebel Spirit blog
about me
Other Helpful Information learn more
help and support

[?] Subscribe To This Site

XML RSS
Add to Google
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to My MSN
Subscribe with Bloglines

WHAT IS NARCISSISM:
Narcissistic Injury



Concerning the term narcissistic injury, here are some things it is not:

Although you might at times be tempted to

  • Slap them upside the head
  • Tell them what you really think of them and their behavior
  • Knock them into next week
  • Tell the world the truth about them and watch them grovel in shame

This is not what narcissistic injury refers to.

Rather, the term refers to malignant narcissism’s superiority complex, which says something along the lines of “Oh no, you DI ‘int.

narcissistic injury You did not just do that to ME.”

“Oh no, you did not just tell me ‘no’.”

“Oh no, you did not just criticize or correct my work or performance.”

“Oh no, you did not just notice my lack of empathy.”

“Oh no, you did not just catch me in a lie.”

Got your own narcissistic injury story?
Click here to tell us...


NARCISSISTIC INJURY

"Any threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception(False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment andrecognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).

The narcissist is constantly on the lookout for slights. He is hypervigilant. He perceives every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as complete and humiliating rejection – nothing short of a threat. Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference.

Most narcissists react defensively. They become conspicuously indignant, aggressive, and cold. They detach emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. They devalue the person who made the disparaging remark, the critical comment, the unflattering observation, the innocuous joke at the narcissist's expense.By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant – the narcissist minimises the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defence mechanism known as cognitive dissonance."
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist Sam Vaknin

Narcissistic injury says “You had the gall to upset me. You have crossed the line. Now you must pay.”

And pay, you will.


PAYBACK TIME

For the narcissistic parent, the slight could be the minor offense of not liking the outfit that she bought for you.

The payment?

The threat of losing your bed, since you’re so ungrateful for what she gives you.

The bed is hers, anyhow. Just like everything else she’s ever provided for you.

narcissistic injury
Image courtesy of AschwinPrein
For the narcissistic friend, the offense could be that you’ve turned down an invitation to her party, because of pre-existing plans you can’t get out of.

The payment?

Gossip and some malicious talk – at your expense.

Try firing a narcissistic employee.

The payment?

He will attempt to ruin your reputation.

Or sue you.

Or both.




For a narcissistic parent/friend/spouse, it’s probably best not to let them know that their gift (and narcissists are notoriously bad gift givers) didn’t fit or wasn’t quite your style; no matter how carefully or even apologetically you word the explanation, be prepared for the payment:

You didn’t like their gift, so therefore they will give you no more gifts.


LOAN SHARK

And speaking of gifts: never forget – a gift from a narcissist always comes with strings attached.

The details will be in fine print, unclear to you but excruciatingly clear to the narcissist.

It might take weeks, it might take months - or even in some cases – years, but you will be reminded of what they’ve done for you/given to you when it happens one day that they expect something of you that you’re unwilling or unable to give.

And oh, the growing fury as they realize that you just took the gift they’d offered without any idea that you were expected to pay back at the time of their choosing.

Their memories may be miraculously, disturbingly short when it comes to something they’ve done (incredibly, a narcissist can ‘forget’ something they’ve said or done even minutes ago; they’ll deny, deny, deny, claim that you’re exaggerating, claim that you’re making it up, claim that they would never do/say something like that) but an elephant has nothing over the narcissist in terms of her memory of what you have done/said/taken, etc.

This is all a part of narcissistic injury.

That isn’t to say that it’s a correct memory; only that the narcissist will claim to her dying day that you actually did say/do the thing you’re accused of.

This is called 'gaslighting', which you will read about further on.


NOTE TO SELF:

Note about narcissist For many narcissists, revenge is best served cold.

When dealing with someone with malignant narcissism
– particularly when a situation becomes touchy -
don’t ever think ‘Well, that went well.’

Sleep with one eye open.

Be prepared for narcissistic abuse




Ever offended a narcissist and lived to tell the tale?
Do tell!

Everyone's got a few narcissistic injury stories - some funny and some sad.

If you've been around a narcissist long enough, you've probably caused some narcissistic injury - and you've probably learned that it costs too much to be on his bad side.

While it might be a waste of time to try to talk to the narcissist, here's a safe place to vent.

These forums are for people like you, to vent and to share and to offer support to each other.

If you need to get it off your chest, here's the place to do it.

One word of caution: you might want to consider changing the names of the people involved in your story.

As well as your own.

But you probably already knew that.

Enter The Title of Your Narcissistic Injury Story

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

he preyed on me like an animal hunts the wild  starstarstarstarstar
I am a 43 year old divorced mother of three children.

When I met him I was newly divorced, my Mom had just passed away & was financially struggling....

20 years and I just found out what I am fighting.  starstarstarstarstar
I guess it was pure desperation. Some will call it Divine Inspiration.

But someone other than myself has lead me to this subject! I love my husband,...

I SIMPLY DIDN'T KNOW  starstarstarstarstar
I was married for 27 years.

Tried every way I knew to please my NC husband/pastor.

He was charming, loving, attentive for our 5month courtship....

I'm not sure if this is npd or not  starstarstarstarstar
but my father was violent and had narcissistic rages.

The rages were never precipitated by alcohol or any other substance. He frequently blamed ...

The Man Who Wasn't  starstarstarstarstar
I met my ex narcissistic boyfriend online in 2009.

After our first meeting, he quickly started to express how much he was into me.

I was bombarded ...

The woman runined my daughter's marriage  starstarstarstarstar
My daughter married a lovely man she'd known for about a year. I met his mother prior to the wedding and had no 'red flags' pop up but later discovered ...

My Evil Twin Sister  starstarstarstarstar
My twin is a malignant narcissist. I really only understood she was truly evil a few short years ago. I am in my 40s.

My 'relationship' with her ...

THE DEVIL AND HIS SPAWN  starstarstarstarstar
• Locked me out house on several occasions
• ****** incident after ****** – police called out – had been drinking and kicked me, swore at me and grabbed ...

The Finger  starstarstarstarstar
This was our second time around. I broke it off initially in a letter (he lived in another state and i only saw him 2x a month) due to his emotionally ...

The Common Touch  starstarstarstarstar
When I gave birth to my first child, my narcissistic parent said, "I always knew you would be common."

This particular comment caught me out of the ...

Just found out MIL is a narcissist  starstarstarstarstar
Thank goodness I have found out, after 9 years, that my nasty mother-in-law has a narcissistic personality disorder. I just came across this term this ...

Abuse from a powerful narcissistic father  starstarstarstarstar
My parents divorced when I was a four year old boy.

He basically disentangled himself from my sister and I; he hated my mother because her father was ...

I found my life on the net.  starstarstarstarstar
I am sixty three years old and have a narcissistic mother.

I cried my way through all the explanations of what that means, and now I feel stunned....

Granny tales  starstarstarstarstar
There are so many, but one of the most hurtful was when I was pregnant.

My mother never wanted me to have children (the story was she feared something ...

Married to God's left hand  starstarstarstarstar
I was married for 17 years to a man with a narcissistic personality and misread all the various flags.

The mental abuse was insidious to sophisticated ...

Turning it Around  Not rated yet
I spent many years viewing myself as a victim of life. It was always someone else's fault because it certainly was not mine.

I have been aware that ...

Do Narcissists Marry Each Other? Yes.  Not rated yet
Dad pushed, restrained and intimidated me when I wasn't answering mom's questions as quickly as he liked.

Even after that, he becomes upset when I ...

The Journey of a Lifetime.  Not rated yet
One day while exiting my apartment complex I was in withdraw from the opiates I take. I do not get high. I get normal.

I was telling myself I even ...

Living with Narcissism was my Normal  Not rated yet
It was always very puzzling to me why my mother hated me.

I could never figure out what I done to invoke her rage but I did it on a constant basis....

We walked on egg shells for year  Not rated yet
Until I was 14 years old, my mother would make me stop playing, etc. so that I could walk in front of friends, family and sometimes even strangers so that ...

Narcissitic son-in-law and I had words and I have lost a lot from it  Not rated yet
My daughter in her twenties started work as a receptionist for this narcissistic man who was president of his company.

His present wife in her 40'...

"for once it's going to be about me"  Not rated yet
I finally was going to get married after being in a committed relationship for almost 20 years
My mother had her ideas about where it was going to be,...

A highly trained policeman with NPD   Not rated yet
I'm attempting to end 2 years of hell with super cop.

We were together for 6 months initially. Red flags started going off when he told me he loved ...

Jezebel Sister  Not rated yet
I come from a very messed up home.

My sister who has in my opinion a jezebel spirit. She is just as you described.

She is a bully until you stand ...

Boss with NPD  Not rated yet
My boss has so very many characteristics of NPD and some of malignant narcissism.

She shares privileged employee information with other workers to ...

Narcissistic double standards, rules don't apply to him  Not rated yet
I've been in a relationship with an "N" for over four years, prior to that 20 years with an ex-husband.

I didn't know what it was until after I was ...

Never good enough.  Not rated yet
At first I was the love of her life, the angels had brought me to her and I was 'perfect'.

But of course I wasn't perfect in reality, and every little ...

Elderly Narcissistic mother and her betrayal of my trust  Not rated yet
Over a couple of years time she lured me into buying her house, by paying off a large lien, and paying off my siblings the amount they would have inherited....

My soul was raped  Not rated yet
It took me five years to discover that he was a narc, in that period I tried to commit suicide, ended up in a psychiatric ward for 3 months, witnessed ...

Litmus Test for a Good Relationship and one with a toxic NPD/Things Either Says  Not rated yet
What My NPD said daily or often:

-It's not cheating, its just sex
-It's all on your head
-I never said that
-Why do you always have to______?
-I ...

Sense AND Sensibility : Decorum VS The N Facade  Not rated yet
I am certainly not against learning to control your feelings so they don't control you; nor am I anti-decorum. But when the primary person you've been ...

Evil drunk Jezebel & Ahab parents with 4 evil siblings  Not rated yet
Both of my elderly folks are both malignant narcissistic alcoholics.

They raised myself, two sons and two other daughters, in a very dysfunctional ...

My younger half-sister has hated me her entire life.  Not rated yet
The culmination of 54 years of malignant evil from my half-sister (learned from our dear malignant mother) was her accusation and convoluted explanation ...

This One Takes The Cake, Literally.  Not rated yet
Not a huge deal and one of the most minor incidences I've ever encountered with this person, but one day I made a small cake for myself and this person ...

Soul Sucker from Dana Point  Not rated yet
So it starts off with a lie about his age on the first date.

Then find out he is not an active attorney like he said he was, that he lost his license ...

What's Next??  Not rated yet
After 8 months of pure mental torture, self-created denial and eye-opening flashbacks of our 10 year marriage, I came out of the FOG with a final message ...






back to malignant narcissism
back to Narcissistic Personality Disorder from narcissistic injury
back to Jezebel Spirit intro