WHAT IS NARCISSISM:
Narcissistic Injury



Concerning the term narcissistic injury, here are some things it is not:

Although you might at times be tempted to

  • Slap them upside the head
  • Tell them what you really think of them and their behavior
  • Knock them into next week
  • Tell the world the truth about them and watch them grovel in shame

This is not what narcissistic injury refers to.

Rather, the term refers to malignant narcissism’s superiority complex, which says something along the lines of “Oh no, you DI ‘int.

narcissistic injury

You did not just do that to ME.”

“Oh no, you did not just tell me ‘no’.”

“Oh no, you did not just criticize or correct my work or performance.”

“Oh no, you did not just notice my lack of empathy.”

“Oh no, you did not just catch me in a lie.”

Got your own narcissistic injury story?
Click here to tell us...


NARCISSISTIC INJURY

"Any threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception(False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment andrecognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).

The narcissist is constantly on the lookout for slights. He is hypervigilant. He perceives every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as complete and humiliating rejection – nothing short of a threat. Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference.

Most narcissists react defensively. They become conspicuously indignant, aggressive, and cold. They detach emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. They devalue the person who made the disparaging remark, the critical comment, the unflattering observation, the innocuous joke at the narcissist's expense.By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant – the narcissist minimises the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defence mechanism known as cognitive dissonance."
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist Sam Vaknin

Narcissistic injury says “You had the gall to upset me. You have crossed the line. Now you must pay.”

And pay, you will.


PAYBACK TIME

For the narcissistic parent, the slight could be the minor offense of not liking the outfit that she bought for you.

The payment?

The threat of losing your bed, since you’re so ungrateful for what she gives you.

The bed is hers, anyhow. Just like everything else she’s ever provided for you.

narcissistic injury
Image courtesy of AschwinPrein
For the narcissistic friend, the offense could be that you’ve turned down an invitation to her party, because of pre-existing plans you can’t get out of.

The payment?

Gossip and some malicious talk – at your expense.

Try firing a narcissistic employee.

The payment?

He will attempt to ruin your reputation.

Or sue you.

Or both.




For a narcissistic parent/friend/spouse, it’s probably best not to let them know that their gift (and narcissists are notoriously bad gift givers) didn’t fit or wasn’t quite your style; no matter how carefully or even apologetically you word the explanation, be prepared for the payment:

You didn’t like their gift, so therefore they will give you no more gifts.


LOAN SHARK

And speaking of gifts: never forget – a gift from a narcissist always comes with strings attached.

The details will be in fine print, unclear to you but excruciatingly clear to the narcissist.

It might take weeks, it might take months - or even in some cases – years, but you will be reminded of what they’ve done for you/given to you when it happens one day that they expect something of you that you’re unwilling or unable to give.

And oh, the growing fury as they realize that you just took the gift they’d offered without any idea that you were expected to pay back at the time of their choosing.

Their memories may be miraculously, disturbingly short when it comes to something they’ve done (incredibly, a narcissist can ‘forget’ something they’ve said or done even minutes ago; they’ll deny, deny, deny, claim that you’re exaggerating, claim that you’re making it up, claim that they would never do/say something like that) but an elephant has nothing over the narcissist in terms of her memory of what you have done/said/taken, etc.

This is all a part of narcissistic injury.

That isn’t to say that it’s a correct memory; only that the narcissist will claim to her dying day that you actually did say/do the thing you’re accused of.

This is called 'gaslighting', which you will read about further on.


NOTE TO SELF:

Note about narcissist

For many narcissists, revenge is best served cold.

When dealing with someone with malignant narcissism
– particularly when a situation becomes touchy -
don’t ever think ‘Well, that went well.’

Sleep with one eye open.

Be prepared for narcissistic abuse




Ever offended a narcissist and lived to tell the tale?
Do tell!

Everyone's got a few narcissistic injury stories - some funny and some sad.

If you've been around a narcissist long enough, you've probably caused some narcissistic injury - and you've probably learned that it costs too much to be on his bad side.

While it might be a waste of time to try to talk to the narcissist, here's a safe place to vent.

These forums are for people like you, to vent and to share and to offer support to each other.

If you need to get it off your chest, here's the place to do it.

One word of caution: you might want to consider changing the names of the people involved in your story.

As well as your own.

But you probably already knew that.

Enter The Title of Your Narcissistic Injury Story

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never do business with a narcissistic boyfriend Not rated yet
Oh Boy!! It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I made the mistake of going into business with John and live to regret it every day and we are also lovers. …

I come from a family of N's Not rated yet
I've always know there is something weird with certain members (actually most) of my father's side of the family. I recently discovered that there …

After I push the past behind, she keeps going! Not rated yet
I went to see my mother and her husband a couple of years back. I traveled 4,000 miles just to let her know why I was not returning her calls; I wanted …

stole my children.. but I won-you can too Not rated yet
My mother hung the moon..... She was everything. I wanted to be just like her. We had a business together. I never had to think she always just told …

Heart broken by a narc Not rated yet
Like all other “love stories” with a narcissist, mine is not different. It involves a lot of pain and despair. Everything started while I was attending …

My life with a NC man..............and he called me CRAZY! RIGHT! Not rated yet
Well, it all began when I (18 1/2) was introduced by a friend, this NC convinced me that he could and would take care of me and my very young child, what …

controll Not rated yet
hi i was going out with a girl for four years now my father ive no doubt is a narcissist.but now as it came to the end of my relationship with my ex.i …

Mother doesn't know best... Not rated yet
It doesn't matter what my name is, or what her name is. But i've suffered a lot from what my "mother" did. I was born to a militant feminist/gender …

Malignant Ex  Not rated yet
Hi everyone! I need to admit, if I had to tell my story exactly two months ago...it would have been a tale of sorrow, tears and inexplicably heart-aching …

A Father's Legacy of Control and Destruction  Not rated yet
I am the oldest daughter of a family of seven siblings and I have raised 8 children of my own. My family of origin is currently being ripped apart …

FD a psycho. . . . Not rated yet
A boyfriend suddenly contacted an auto immunue disorder and confined in a hospital. I was stunned and don't know how to react, just cried. He took …

My little sister, the PUNISHER Not rated yet
My sister, blank, is extremely intelligent, she has always been self-centered, manipulative, and hurtful. Until I read about Malignant Narcs nothing about …

Suicide as the final "payback" Not rated yet
I've found this fascinating, reading the stories and examples that parallel mine with my parents. My parents, among other things, were fabulous at making …

My NPD mother Not rated yet
I can finally now see who she is and why she is the way that she is... its almost always about her opinion and she constantly controls everyone within …

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exposed Not rated yet
He was having cybersex at work. I found emails with dates &time &sent them to his boss. I'm still alive if that's what you call it when the lying cheating …

No criticism allowed. But there is something that does not disappoint... Not rated yet
So I know now not to dare challenge this person or criticize. Whatever the case, I must listen to the lecture and not point out one word of hypocrisy …

The Matchmaker Not rated yet
As suggested, the names and places here are changed... my name is not Lorelei, but let's just pretend it is for now, and the organization I work with is …

my bank card Not rated yet
I insulted his mechanic work on my car. Not intentionally, I just pointed out he should watch a video to make sure he was doing it right. A few …

it took 57 years  Not rated yet
My mother is 86 and a narcissist, very self absorbed and verbally abusive to me and about my middle daughter. I have been gaslighted, suffered narcissistic …

sucked in by a vampire Not rated yet
10yrs staying leaving then i just kept coming back to what? the mental abuse, the verbal abuse, and days of physical abuse FROM A SELF CONFIDENT WOMAN …

Demon Possessed Not rated yet
I still lived at home and had ceased to fear my mother who happened to detest me on a regular basis. I had discovered, however, that something was …

I dared to challenge my neighbor. Not rated yet
My next door neighbor (a reserve deputy sheriff) had put up several security cameras and motion lights. One light would light up my driveway just as I …

The post... Not rated yet
My hubby posted a comment on myself being the best wife,mother,and soul mate and how he appreciates me.On his web page which i might add she's been blocked …

the way I dealt with it Not rated yet
I had a narcissistic coworker who used all the tactics that most narcissists use. Upon research of this disorder, I found that the only way to deal …

Do Narcissists Marry Each Other? Yes. Not rated yet
Dad pushed, restrained and intimidated me when I wasn't answering mom's questions as quickly as he liked. Even after that, he becomes upset when I …

Living with Narcissism was my Normal Not rated yet
It was always very puzzling to me why my mother hated me. I could never figure out what I done to invoke her rage but I did it on a constant basis. …

We walked on egg shells for year Not rated yet
Until I was 14 years old, my mother would make me stop playing, etc. so that I could walk in front of friends, family and sometimes even strangers so that …

"for once it's going to be about me" Not rated yet
I finally was going to get married after being in a committed relationship for almost 20 years My mother had her ideas about where it was going to be, …

Jezebel Sister Not rated yet
I come from a very messed up home. My sister who has in my opinion a jezebel spirit. She is just as you described. She is a bully until you stand …

Boss with NPD Not rated yet
My boss has so very many characteristics of NPD and some of malignant narcissism. She shares privileged employee information with other workers to …

Never good enough. Not rated yet
At first I was the love of her life, the angels had brought me to her and I was 'perfect'. But of course I wasn't perfect in reality, and every little …

Elderly Narcissistic mother and her betrayal of my trust Not rated yet
Over a couple of years time she lured me into buying her house, by paying off a large lien, and paying off my siblings the amount they would have inherited. …

My soul was raped Not rated yet
It took me five years to discover that he was a narc, in that period I tried to commit suicide, ended up in a psychiatric ward for 3 months, witnessed …

Litmus Test for a Good Relationship and one with a toxic NPD/Things Either Says Not rated yet
What My NPD said daily or often: -It's not cheating, its just sex -It's all on your head -I never said that -Why do you always have to______? -I …

Sense AND Sensibility : Decorum VS The N Facade Not rated yet
I am certainly not against learning to control your feelings so they don't control you; nor am I anti-decorum. But when the primary person you've been …

This One Takes The Cake, Literally. Not rated yet
Not a huge deal and one of the most minor incidences I've ever encountered with this person, but one day I made a small cake for myself and this person …

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