WHAT IS NARCISSISM:
Narcissistic Supply



Does the term narcissistic supply make you feel slightly uncomfortable, as it pertains to you?

narcissistic supply

It should.

Narcissistic supply is to the narcissist what blood is to Dracula.

Narcissists have aptly been called ‘emotional vampires’, because without you – and others like you – they wouldn’t exist.

The term simply defines the human beings in the narcissist’s life who supply the narcissist what he needs:


  • Awe, wonder and praise for his accomplishments and performance
  • Unending gratitude for anything he has ever done for you (if you don’t remember, he’ll remind you)
  • Empathy and agreement with his self-perception
  • Righteous indignation for her suffering, which is far greater than most and always undeserved
  • Adoration and compliments for her brain, body, spiritual health and wisdom, etc.
  • Tacit agreement that he or she is special, misunderstood by the masses
  • Acknowledgement that she should not be subject to normal rules and regulations
  • Willingness to overlook the occasional exploitation
  • Failure to recognize narcissistic behavior in any way

Any deviation from these requirements will produce narcissistic injury.

But if you can handle even a few of these job responsibilities required by the narcissist, then you’re a keeper!

If, on the other hand, you slip up occasionally, because nobody’s perfect (except the narcissist), the long-suffering narcissist may forgive – to a point.


tell us your personal experience as narcissistic supply! TRY, TRY, TRY AGAIN

By now you might realize that malignant narcissism never forgives; the information is just stored, to be used against you at another time.

If the insubordination continues, then of course you will be subject to narcissistic rage.

But don’t be confused: providing the narcissist reason for rage is also a form of narcissistic supply.

Any attention – good or bad – feeds the narcissist.

If the narcissistic rage doesn’t produce the desired effect, then you are unceremoniously dumped. Sometimes not even in that order.

This goes for children of narcissists, as well.

Although children – and most adults – don’t initially recognize what their job requirements are as the narcissistic supply, we do learn quickly and initially unconsciously that we don’t like the payments extracted for unwittingly effecting narcissistic injury.

Narcissistic supply isn’t that complicated, once you get the hang of it.

As long as you’re willing to suspend all expectations that the narcissistic behavior will someday be discontinued, you’re in like Flynn in the narcissist’s life.

dumped

Or not.

Because sometimes, for some inexplicable reason you may never discover, the narcissist has decided you aren’t good narcissistic supply, after all.

And then she’s on to the next source of supply, usually without explanation or apology.

That’s life, in the world of malignant narcissism.

Incidentally, malignant narcissism has been accused of having a lack of empathy.

In actuality, the narcissist can feel empathy: when it suits her needs.

Most notably if you’re still a good fit for her narcissistic supply.

If you’re on the wrong side of the narcissist, however, you will notice a decided lack of empathy.

Yet the narcissist will feel great empathy for anyone else that is in your life: employer, spouse, friends or children.

Because now the narcissist ‘knows what you’re like’.

He ‘knows how difficult you can be’, that you’re a ‘bit of a know-it-all’, ‘a drama queen’, ‘cold’, ‘unfeeling’, ‘heartless’, ‘sinful’, ‘liar’, ‘unfaithful or disloyal’, etc.

Which is exactly what the narcissist is, of course.

But because he refuses any self-perception that is less than wonderful, he must project those qualities on to you.

This is called narcissistic projection.

NARCISSISTIC PROJECTION

Once you get a narcissist good and angry, stand back and let him do all of the talking.

The descriptions he gives of you are a good indication of what he subconsciously knows to be true of himself:

  • ‘You’ve developed a solid foundation of bitterness towards me, I can see’
  • ‘You have a heart of steel’
  • 'You always see things from a distorted perspective’
  • ‘You’re irrational, full of lies and half-truths’
  • ‘You’re an expert at treating people in your life like crap’
  • ‘You hate me’
  • ‘You have disgraced your father and me’
  • ‘You’re cheating on me and I’m going to prove it’
  • ‘You’re jealous of me’
  • ‘You’re always picking on me’
  • ‘You’re a psychopath’


CONFUSION

If you’re not prepared, some of these accusations can sound extremely rational and justified. You may start to wonder if they’re true.

confusion

If you are willing (unlike the narcissist) to tweak your self-perception, you may start to believe that there’s an area of weakness in your life that you’ve been selfishly blinded to, and that needs to change.

Now the narcissist has you exactly where he wants you.

If he can keep the focus off of himself and his narcissistic behavior, he still has control.

If he can keep you believing that you are the one with the flaw(s), his reflection doesn’t change.

If he can keep you second-guessing yourself and your motives/loyalty/honor or love, you will continually be grateful that he’s in your life; that he loves you ‘anyhow’.

A grateful source of narcissistic supply is the best kind, after all.


TRAPPED

Pride – forever keeps the narcissist from seeing the truth
Manipulation – forever keeps you from seeing the truth
Control – keeps you where he wants you: as a source of narcissistic supply

To wrap up this section, we again ask the question: What is Narcissism?

And the answer remains: Narcissism – malignant narcissism - is a persistent pattern of doing evil without repentance or remorse.

M Scott Peck said it best when he called narcissists ‘the people of the lie’.

There is no greater lie than believing that you have the right to control another human being, to control or manipulate to satisfy your will or self-perception.

The sum total of pride, control and manipulation equals evil.

To continue the discussion: click on our button titled 'toxic love', or click here for our second – and possibly hardest – section:
The narcissistic parent

Got Experience as Narcissistic Supply?

Ever had that sinking feeling that you were just a pipeline of supply for the narcissist in your life?

You know the one - where you start to realize your opinions don't matter in the relationship unless they agree with the narcissist's opinions...

Your feelings don't seem to be of much importance, either - unless the narcissist senses he may need to take this one seriously if he wants to continue getting what he needs from you....

Have you had a lightning bolt moment when you looked back and realized how blind you've been to his tricks, or was it more of a slowly growing discomfort when you started to realize that you couldn't keep up the charade that everything was perfect?

Here's the place to get it off of your chest.

Take a deep breath, get your thoughts together and get it all out on paper (so to speak).

Just remember to change their name and yours too (remember the narcissistic abuse?) so that you can better enjoy seeing your story 'in print'.

Got a title for your story? Put it here.

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