Narcissitic son-in-law and I had words and I have lost a lot from it

by Scarlett Jones
(USA)

My daughter in her twenties started work as a receptionist for this narcissistic man who was president of his company.

His present wife in her 40's was his business partner. This man started emailing my daughter privately in the office and slowly started complaining how horrible his wife is and how she does nothing but spend his money.

Long story short he replaced his wife/business partner with my daughter.

My daughter felt he was the perfect man and had a worship at his alter attitude. He is a millionaire.

She used to be very close to her family. We noticed if she came for a visit he would always call into the house and pull her away from us. This never stopped. Overtime he started eroding away our relationship with our daughter.

He started a series of put downs and demeaning and disrespectful behavior towards me and her dad.

She started changing and turned her head away toward the rude behavior directed towards her parents and sister.

Finally there was a confrontation with me and this narcissistic son-in-law about his rude behavior towards me. I told him off. What I thought was a private conversation was not. I played into his hands.

He called me from his cell phone and camped the call into the speakers of his car. My daughter heard the exchange.

She calls me and tells me he never has done anything to me and told me to stay away. I played right into his hands.

My husband tried to privately convince this man to call me to work the issue out and he said I don't feel compelled. He never called me.

Now we have no relationship with our daughter. He has forced her to choose. She is now pregnant and we won't have a relationship with her or the baby.

I am heart broken but still am glad I no longer have to deal with this evil man. He gives me the creeps.

It has no occurred to me that he cares nothing about what he is doing to our daughter. He lacks no empathy at all for anyone and I hate that this type of foul individual entered our life.

We expect one day he will have another affair and toss our daughter aside like she is nothing.

Comments for
Narcissitic son-in-law and I had words and I have lost a lot from it

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 18, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Thanks for sharing what happened NEW
by: Scarlett Jones

Yes it is a major victory that you are on speaking terms with your daughter. It amazes me that they were targeting your parenting skills. It seems narcissitic individuals must go to school to learn these tactics because they are so similar.

Turning back time I wish I had asked my daughter why is it ok with you that your husband can talk down your own mother?
She is giving her silent approval when she says nothing. If she have any issues with you she should come to you. That is the only way to work out problems with her and stop ghe brainwashing is keeping communication open. A narcissitic individual closes communication down to start strife.

I feel your daughter is trying to hang on to your relationship but is in a bad place not wanting to betray him. At least I hope so.

There should be a debriefing with a therapist to undo the brainwashing if they ever break free.

As for having any bonding with your grandkids, I understand what you mean. I watched him totally control his son from his first marriage and felt sad for his mom. She would complain go him on the phone about not seeing her grandson and he told my daughter that his mom is trying to put him on a guilt trip. My youngest daughter complains that she gets pictures but has no relationship with our grandchild. There are no surprises there.

I am praying for you. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone and that there is nothing you have done and we all can support each other.
Apr 16, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Update NEW
by: Anonymous

I posted about our daughter's family visiting and staying with us recently. They left last week. We are still recovering from the ten days they were here. What a nightmare that was. We are still on speaking terms with our daughter, so I guess I should count that as a victory. Somehow, it doesn't feel like one, but I know it could have been worse.
The reason they went after my son while he was staying ("housesitting") at our friends' home to get away from our son-in-law was simply to undermine us as parents. They got a hold of him later, and my daughter told him that the lifestyle of order and structure she had to live under when she was in high school had stiffled her creativity, blah, blah... Why? Because we don't have a home where it's everyone for themselves, no meals together as a family, no bedtimes - children of all ages staying up till two or three in the morning, etc. A home where meals were prepared and people go to bed at 10:00-11:00 is stiffling these days. Sure, that must be why she graduated from college Cum Laude and he didn't manage to graduate? Also why one of his brothers is a high school dropout and none of the others could make it into college. They are all video game, movie and media experts though.
Well, thankfully, my son saw right through this and told me about it. They were going to have a "talk" with him about college and career choices to encourage him not to go into engineering but to chose some humanities major like them. I guess engineering also stiffles people's creativity. I guess it makes sense that he doesn't want his brother-in-law to outshine him and his family. I had warned my son to not tell them what he made on the SAT, and sure enough, it was one of the things they were questioning him about. He didn't tell. He is dual-enrolling at the community college this summer and taking calculus with the score he made on the math section alone. I must be such a stiffling mother!

I feel for all the other grandparents who are going through this horrible experience. I didn't get to bond with out grandaughter properly either. We have had the opportunity to meet her and hold her, but the strain and minimal time spent together have prevented any real bonding. In a way it does make things easier, though we mourn the relationship we know we could have had and are very sad for her.

I pray for every one here, that someday we will have healing in these relationships and that God will give us wisdom to know how to handle each and every one of these situations.
Apr 14, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		I feel for you! NEW
by: Anonymous


I wish I could say it gets better. You will have good days and not so good days. I think men handle it better than women. My husband says he just tries not to think about her. That doesn't seem to work for me.

I just found out that my daughter is on facebook. She has me blocked. Wonders never cease.

My youngest daughter sees her sister a little. She said the narcissist is acting weird. She was trying to put a name to his behavior. She said I think the word is politically correct. I said yeah well watch your back. He will be getting rid of you too but just hasn't found the way yet.

I know it is harder for grandparents that actually had a relationship with their grandkids and then lost them. That is so hard. I saw a picture of our grandchild and it is strange. She could be anyone's grandchild. We never saw her as a baby and she has just turned one year old. We are not bonded to the baby but that is sad in and of itself.

My husband and myself just pray that the blinders will come off and our daughter no longer be able to pretend his behavior is ok. I do feel eventually he will target our daughter. I think this type of individual is just plain evil. I miss my daughter who has changed completely. I am mourning for the daughter is once knew and lost. That helps put this in perspective. Oh, our daughter has not sent a friend request to both sides of her family. She has completely isolated herself. She has a few friends on facebook but only out of her husbands company. I found this info out through a friend being able to access her page for me.

Good for you that you are putting your foot down about your grandkids. It is sad that you have to resort to the courts and I pray that you will prevail.

Many hugs to you. I hope your daughter can see the light one day.

Apr 14, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Me too! NEW
by: YG

I'm in the same boat, was really close to my lovely daughter and my wonderful grandchildren. I now haven't seen them all for 5months! I'm going to court in 2 weeks for visitation rights for my GC.
The older one is not even his, I had such a close bond with her, I was at her birth, my daughter and the baby lived with me until she got with the narcissist.
My daughters personality has changed too, I just cant believe she is allowing this to happen and I now think I've lost her. I am so sad every day and miss them so much. I pray every day that they will split-up, as I think this will be the only way I will see my daughter again.
Apr 02, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Throwing rocks! NEW
by: Anonymous

I am so glad that you did talk to your daughter before your son-in-law can severe the relationship.
I wish I could have done as much but hind sight is 20/20 and I don't think I would have had nothing but resistance.

I agree that your daughter probably reported everything said to her to her husband. Our daughter did that and the son-in-law said they don't keep anything from each other. I think it is that way the narcissist can control everything.

I am also interested in why they wanted to get to your son while alone? You really came through for him and protected him. How heartbreaking this situation is for you that you have to protect your kids from this man. What amazes me is that they were throwing rocks at your windows without a care that they could cause damage.

I am so glad your son did not open the door.

Apr 02, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Follow-up & Thanks NEW
by: Anonymous

I echo the previous poster - I am so thankful for the support offered on this site.

What happened yesterday with my daughter/SIL staying here on vacation is more of the same old story, except that we did sit down and talk to our daughter and explained that we are under a lot of strain because of her husband's behavior. She is in denial, but we thought it was important that we have this conversation with her because we are looking at the future and what seems inevitable. He will turn on her, eventually. When the time comes for her to open her eyes, we want her to remember that we weren't fooled and she is not alone. That was the goal. Of course, we encountered all kinds of resistance and she tried to fight back. There was some of the same disrespect at that time. We expected it, but it still hurts, especially coming from her. Still, I think it was necessary. We didn't bring up but a couple of incidents, because the goal was to make her aware that we know what is going on. We told her that we see many things and we are very concerned for her, and that she should expect that since I am a protective mother, I will not be letting her younger siblings out of my sight when they are around. I don't know if that registered with her, and I don't know what the fallout will be from that one, whether he will back off and move on to other potential supply sources? Or, whether he will redouble his efforts. We expect that most of what was said has been repeated, and we haven't seen him since she had time alone with him, so we will see...

One of the incidents we discussed was what happened this weekend at the home of our friends where our son was "housesitting" (hiding). On Friday night, she and her husband decided to there to see him. I said nothing, as I knew it would make no difference, but I called my son and warned him. He didn't open the door. They proceeded to walk around the house looking into every window. Thankfully, there was an upstairs... They also threw stones at the windows upstairs... I told my friend about this, and she will be checking the windows for cracks. I don't think they suspect that each of those windows is worth $2500 as they are hurricane proof. Well, as if all that wasn't enough, they accosted our son on Sunday demanding an explanation as to why he didn't open the door or answer the phone. It was so intense, that I had to step in and say that he wasn't there to receive visitors and had been told not to open the door for anyone. Knowing that he would be coming home in a couple of days, one has to wonder why the urgency and why the anger at not being allowed in that house. My friend had explicitly asked that my SIL not be allowed in her house.
Apr 01, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Jade this forum does help NEW
by: Anonymous

It never ceases to amaze me how similar our stories are. Narccistic individuals are.

I cannot say this forum can give the solution to this type of person. Hopefully it can. What it will do is show that you are not alone and you are not crazy. You will get comfort from othet people that have gone through the same thing. We all can share and be there for each other. I cannot say enough how this forum helps me.



Apr 01, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Evil is the perfect discription NEW
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for you. Do you mind sharing exactly what he did? You seemed to have had a good handle on it at the time but you had just started into this terrible visit with someone who is EVIL and knows how to cause division. The fact that he schemed and plotted what he was going to do was spot on I am sorry to say.

I am hoping you have not lost contact with your daughter and grandchild. It is impossible to be in the same room with evil. What was strange about our daughter was the change. She seemed to approve his hateful behavior. It may be true that you become like the people you hang around.

The only upside to this is that if you never see them again you won't have to deal with him.

I say a prayer every night that God will germinate a seed of doubt in my daughter's mind because I think this is the only way you and your husband will see her again. When SHE can no longer accept the way he treats people and that she will miss her family in time and wonder why it is o'k with him for her to not have any contact. As my DH and I believe our daughter will have to divorce him and we figure it will take a decade.

How can a husband do this to his own wife and be a nice person? Nice they are not. Downright mean and sadistic.

It does not surprise me that he is a church goer. Some of the most evil and sadistic people use the church as a cover so they can appear good to society and the people in their circle.

Have you ever read the book "People of the Lie"? That is a book of stories of the most evil people and their impact on the families they are a part of. I believe the narcissist is one of these people. There is also a book I bought about narcissism and the first thing it says is how sorry they are that you have a person like this in your life for you would not be purchasing the book unless you were. Another good book is "How to deal with toxic people". This book is a good book and shows how the people involved dealt with the person that was making their life miserable.

I know you are heartbroken. I wanted to share that it does get better in time. Always remember that you are not alone and there is nothing you could do. This is the time to say the Serenity Prayer. I say it every day when I digress and go back in the past to see if I could have done anything different.

I hope your husband did not let this monster get away with too much cruelty.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Apr 01, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Follow-up NEW
by: Anonymous

This thread seems like the same story coming from different families at different stages.

I posted earlier about my daughter's family visiting and spending 10 days at our house. They are here. It's a disaster.

I have little hope that we will not end up where the original poster is - a broken relationship with no contact, being cut off from our granduaghter in the process.

I am heartbroken.

I wish I could say that we have found a way to keep this creep from poisoning our daughter against us. Nope! We are dealing with an evil, evil person, and a wolf in sheep's clothing to boot. The guy even works at a well-known national ministry writing "Christian" worldview columns, book reviews... I could scream just thinking that people donate their hard-earned money to these people. So,it is hard to convince our daughter that what we have to say is of any value if it disagrees with his wise counsel - he gets paid for his "valuable opinions".
Apr 01, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		A controlling Son-In-Law... NEW
by: Jade ThompsonAnonymous

I desperately feel for you....it was like reading about my own life.
I also have a "control freak" Son-in Law. I figured he had Narcissistic traits just over 6 years ago. I did not know what a narcissist was until I did some research on the subject.
He has been with our daughter for almost 7 years.
He has bought nothing but trouble and misery to our family.
He refuses to participate in happy family events. He stops our daughter from seeing us (when it suits him).
We have tried in vain to get along with him. He refuses to have anything to do with her family.
We now have a grandchild....and there are early signs that he will destroy our interaction with her....no reason...just because he can.
I have been at my wits end for a number of years now. I have also suffered terrible depression because of the monster.
It is difficult to know where to turn.
I found this forum by mistake.....I am hoping as well to find answers to this never ending emotional and mental abuse that this creep keeps spewing out our way. He is an evil and insidious individual.
Mar 21, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		PS
by: Anonymous

I managed to get our 8 year old out of the way last night, as it was one of my goals. But he substituted her with our 11 year old as quick as lightning... It's mind boggling how good these people are at mainting their "supply." I will focus on keeping both girls occupied! It's very hard to keep all your bases covered. So, I expect he will win some battles, but hopefully not the war!

I am praying that you have a chance in the future to get your daughter's heart back. One of these days her eyes may be opened, and she will realize what has happened. Hopefully sooner than later!

Thanks for the response, and I'll be back. :)
Mar 21, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Good for you!
by: Anonymous

My DH and myself laughed our heads off reading your post. Mentally ill he is. That really puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

I know that cult of one has been plotting and planning how rude and disrespectful he was going to be to your family
Boy has he been thrown into a tailspin! I am loving it!
Still be careful and hopefully your daughter will start to notice and question how rude to her family he is being.

I wish I could go back in time and change the mistakes I made but seeing how disarming him is working for you just may keep him from stealing your relationship with your daughter.

My nickname for my son-in-law is "Alan Almighty"!
Keep up the good work and keep avoiding the land mines your walking through.

What about your 8 year old? You didn't mention her? Keep updating. Don't let your guard down.
Mar 21, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Good for you!
by: Anonymous

My DH and myself laughed our heads off reading your post. Mentally ill he is. That really puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

I know that cult of one has been plotting and planning how rude and disrespectful he was going to be to your family
Boy has he been thrown into a tailspin! I am loving it!
Still be careful and hopefully your daughter will start to notice and question how rude to her family he is being.

I wish I could go back in time and change the mistakes I made but seeing how disarming him is working for you just may keep him from stealing your relationship with your daughter.

My nickname for my son-in-law is "Alan Almighty"!
Keep up the good work and keep avoiding the land mines your walking through.

What about your 8 year old? You didn't mention her? Keep updating. Don't let your guard down.
Mar 21, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Update on daughter's visit
by: Anonymous

I am so thankful for this website! As I've posted here before, my daughter and SIL are in town. They were here last night. I am sure it went better for me because the way I am perceiving the situation has changed so much. I am now 100% convinced that he is mentally ill and a narcissist. It has made a difference. I no longer try to talk to him like he is normal.

He tried all his usual tactics last night. It's amazing! He made fun of my daughter and the food choices she has made for their baby. Daughter #2 made the mistake of agreeing with him about his dislike of that food, and she became his best friend (supply), she got his admiration, if only for that moment. She thought this was great, as he has been very nasty to her in the past. He is so divisive... When he wasn't the center of attention, leading the conversation with his usual lecture on a given subject, he totally ignored every single one of us, being the intellectual that he is (NOT), he had his nose in a book, which he made sure to attempt to give us a lecture on before the night was out. As soon as that started, I left the room.

He tried to interrupt several conversations I was having with my daughter to draw the subject to himself. It was so obvious! The guy can't stand to not be the center of attention for one minute. I kept talking like I didn't hear him, like this is the crazy uncle every family has...

He tried to offend me by, out of the blue, saying that our dog was "really dirty." To which I replied, with a smile on my face, that he is right, since the dog does get to go outside every day and doesn't wear shoes or anything else. This caught him by surprise, and he was somewhat disarmed, as he expected this would open up an argument. The best part of this was that my son (15) took notice of my new approach and managed to pull off something similar a few minutes later, when he got his dosage of a put down.
What a jerk!

One of our friends in the know is going on a trip and has left us her house keys as an escape to a place of refuge. She has offered to let our son go there to get away, spend the night... with the excuse that he is house sitting, at any point during this visit. What a relief that is!

I suspect his anger towards me must be through the roof at this point. I anticipate he will be attacking me with a vengeance very soon. I've said before here, that I think it's important to have allies (friends) who are on board with what is happening. Here's the biggest reason why, they are PRAYING for us. We need those prayers!
All this in one night.

So, that is my update for now...
Mar 17, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Thank you!
by: M

Thank you for the suggestions, this is so helpful! I will spend some time this afternoon making plans.

I saw my son (15) writing on his computer on a document he calls "Operation Shield." I thought it was funny that he picked that name. He said it is his list of things to do while "the jerk" is staying with us, to "try to avoid being attacked." It's funny he came up with that name for his list, but it is also tragic at the same time.

I will let you know how it goes...
Mar 17, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		This is what I would do.....
by: Anonymous

I cannot imagine having to cope with my son-in-law for 10 days. I am interested in how that turns out for you later.
Yes, I believe your youngest daughter is his supply but I would see to it that not much contact with her happens. Keep her busy visiting friends but don't let her hang around much with him without you present. How would you handle a your child being around someone that is a pedophile or has a criminal record? You would not let her be alone would you? Keep her busy and passing through to say hello. Invite a friend of your daughter over so "he" won't be her focus. He may suspect something but have no proof that you are limiting his time with her. Treat him like the Aids virus he is. Limit contact.

Looking back at something that happened after dinner at their home, we were having coffee. My daughter says to her husband sitting across from me, "you know the sausage/cheese balls you love so much?" He looks at her and says yes. She says "that is mom's recipe". He says "Oh really?" He then stands up and leans across the table and gets in my face and gives me a hateful nasty look and then turns his face away like I am dismissed. He loves to dismiss people. I looked at my daughter shocked to see her reaction and she was staring down at the table with a smile on her face. She saw it alright! The moment passed and I said nothing. One thing for sure is my husband was not present. I believe this type of person is a coward underneath it all. He didn't target my husband just me.

Thinking that his goal is to end relationships, I would watch my back for those ten days. Don't get caught alone with him either. Make sure your husband is with you at all times. Steer clear of any conversation that could get him started. If he acts like a jerk, pretend it doesn't bother you or you didn't get it? LOL!!! That would get him for sure.:) I wish I had done that now instead of confronting him which is what he wanted all along.

After he has left go take a hot shower and have a glass of wine if you like and say a prayer you survived being around him.

Also,love on your daughter a lot while she is there. Thinking about the daughter I have lost touch with I wish I had poured on the love in spite of her behavior and his. I have to think they put up with a lot of mental abuse and don't realize it.

I do feel that my son-in-law's mother is narcisstic. Why do I think this? At my daughter's wedding the mother of the groom came over to me and said; " I did good didn't I?" I said what??? confusion on my face. She gives a big grin and nods her head toward her son. If that isn't narcissism I don't know what is.

Hope this helps!
Mar 17, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Coping
by: M

I understand the situation completely. Ours is very similar. My SIL's side of the family doesn't talk to us. Their behavior is very strange to me, but having a son like that, I guess it's not surprising. I think his mother may also be one. Our daughter sides with him always, she doesn't want to betray him. Like you said, this is understandable, but very scary and hurtful. My SIL attacked me on Facebook, for hundreds of people to see, numerous times. He has also comes after my husband, oldest son, and younger daughter. The only one who doesn't seem to be on his hit list YET is our youngest daughter, who is 8. She adores him, so she is supply at this point. This is one of my questions. What does one do with a younger child who has such a Brother-in-law? I really need some more ideas on how to cope. At this point, I am trying to fill my calendar, so as to be out of the house to make sure we all get a break every day. I am going to be working to keep everyone busy... including myself.

Our SIL has tried (and succeeded) to discredit us with all the relatives he has access to. This has caused division in our family, and we feel we can't trust those people who've fallen for his charm and deception. Our holidays with family have become a real nightmare! That is why having a couple of friends that we can trust and have seen through the big farce is great. They don't fully understand like people here who have gone through this, but they are so important to us, as we have younger children. We can call and ask them to keep our other children at their house during times when we expect a blow up with SIL.
My daughter and he are flying in tomorrow. They will be staying with his family for the first 10 days, then with us for another 10. Since he "is indispensable" at his work, he'll be telecommuting while they are here. We are letting our daughter borrow our car with the rule that his is not to drive it, as he doesn't know how to drive a stick shift- that's the excuse. We want her to be able to get away... This is their first visit since they moved away, so we'll see how that goes.
Mar 17, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Time is the healer
by: Anonymous

I don't think isolation is the right word. This forum eliminates that I believe. Who better to talk to than someone experiencing the same thing? I feel lack of communication with the people that got sucked into this situation by this man is causing me a lot of frustration. They just don't want to be caught in the middle. I can't say I blame them. I think I would feel so much better if I had my chance to explain and defend myself to them and give the actual facts of what he did to me would resolve some of the confusion from my family members. They really don't know what to say even if I did sit them down and explain the facts. I feel explaining what this man did to me would help me get over this situation.

My oldest daughter that is married to this man thinks I am lying. To question her husband would be considered a betrayal so I get that. However there was never a issue with my daughter just him. That is very hurtful in itself. She joined ranks with him and attacked me for defending myself against him. He took a closed communication between me and him by email and copied it to his people at work, my other daughter and his personal family. He was trying to ruin my reputation and character with people that I knew through this marriage and my youngest daughter. I have lost contact with his side of the family but that is not surprising. I wonder how they feel about the elephant in the room. If I were his parents I would know that if they crossed him in any way he would do the same to them. The company he owns with his employees and his immediate family are his narcissitic supply.

I am waiting for time healing the wounds.
Mar 16, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Isolation is not healthy
by: Anonymous

Although I do understand that most people do not get this, some do. It is worth looking for those poeple who do. Their support is invaluable. I know we can't talk to most, but having two or three friends we can trust and confide in has made all the difference. So, I encourage you all to try to find those people.
Mar 16, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		I feel for you!
by: Anonymous

I love your "Cult of One" title to describe such a despicable person. I feel for you & understand how you feel.

There is still no word from our daughter. I am fearing we have lost her for good. I am grieving for the daughter I used to know. I don't know my daughter who has changed like yours did. What is the power a man like this can have over our daughter to change her personality? Maybe that is how they survive.

Our Grandchild will be a year old at the end of this month. I still can't believe this has happened. It is a nightmare I keep hoping I will wake up from.

I don't know what I would do if I had my son-in-law
stalking me. You are not alone and I thought I was going crazy. I can't talk about this to anyone. They just don't get it!
Mar 14, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Daughter in a Cult of One
by: Anonymous

Our now estranged daughter has a serious incurable illness that she got six years ago. Due to this our brilliant young 20something career girl became someone who seems educable retarded.
I am afraid as I write this because her Cult of One boyfriend is vicious,violent and always gets his payback if anyone dares utter a word to anger him. He has stalked me at our home and online. Back to the story summary.
He is a malignant narcissist to the letter! The doctor I have had to go to in order to deal with the terror of this maniac told me today that the reason malignant man attacks me and not my husband is because he knows that I am like a terrier with a rat! When i asked for an explanation the doctor said: daughter's boyfriend can sense that I consider him a rat and that I am going to hold on until I can yank the rat out of our lives.
Wish I could really feel that way and do something like that but his constant barrage of attacks and stalking have reduced me to living in fear.
Our daughter is exactly the way others have described, now a stranger to us and happily abusive to us using behavior and language that are uncharacteristic. She only speaks to us when he close at hand to tell her what to say.
Now he is trying to get my parents and siblings involved. The two of them told us to go to hell ( putting it nicely compared to what was said). We have been out of touch for over a month BUT he neede his fix of anger and rage so now they are calling and emailing outrageous versions of reality.
This malignant narcissist is paranoid and sociopathic. Did time in jail/drug dealer but he has insisted that he is the nicest most loving person we will ever meet. Anytime he shouts obscenities in his violent rages it is due to some unusual circumstance. You see he has never done anything wrong and has been out here on earth to serve others.
I have to stop this is such a nightmare. Many,many thanks to all who took the time to share their stories. I truly felt alone and every time Idid an Internet search all I could find was narcissistic mother-in-laws. Give me a break! What about the wackos our daughters bring into our lives who gleefully destroy families forever. I am such a loss as to how to go on. There is absolutely nothing we can do. Thanks very much in advance to any who respond.
Trying To Survive
Mar 11, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Heartbreaking Indeed
by: Anonymous

Wow, I am reading the post and comments, and this sounds so much like our situation! Our lovely daughter met this guy at a different church and a year later they were engaged and soon to be married. He is a charmer... and a deceiver. The rudeness and nastiness didn't begin until after the wedding, after he had her. That's when the super -controlling behavior took off. He has tried to drive our other three children away from us, but I saw what a smooth operator he was, so I nipped it in the bud from the start. It was bad enough that he had our daughter. Of course, this only made things worse for my husband and I. He now despises our son and me. I had a confrontation with him about two months ago, two weeks before they were to move to another state. He left town without a word to our family. Our daughter is still allowed to talk to us, and we've seen the baby - six months old. He decided to move as soon as he found out our daughter was pregnant. It's so sad. A narcissist son-in-law is a terrible thing to have. Our daughter always sides with him and has adopted his attitudes, beliefs, and rude manners. It is so shocking to see how these men dominate and control the women in their lives. I hardly know our daughter any more... We used to be so close. She would tell everyone that I was her best friend... Now, I don't know who she is when I talk to her on the phone. They are coming here for a 10 day vacation and will be staying with us. It's going to take a miracle for us to be able to handle this. I have been reading up on how to deal with a narcissistic person. One of the good pieces of advice I found was to not talk about anything controversial, keep the conversation superficial. It's very difficult, because they come after you and are verbally abusive.

I hope things improve for you somehow!
Mar 04, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Father writes letter to daughter...
by: Anonymous

I guess it doesn't matter if they have money or not.
I can relate to you because I finally spoke up and confronted him we lost our daughter and grandchild.
My DH a few weeks ago sent a father/daughter letter to their home. We should have sent it registered mail return receipt requested. She has never mentioned having received it to her sister. In this letter it was also telling her that we loved her and have not abandoned her. There is minimal contact with her sister. If we hear anything it is through her. I am glad he is out of our life. He is sadistic, selfish, cruel. He got what he wanted and I feel I fell into his hands but it was good speaking up for myself. We love our daughter but she has changed too. I am disappointed that she gave her silent approval to his mean behavior toward me. I am convinced nothing is going to change. I went on utube and saw a cartoon about narcissitic behavior and if you cross them they will not bend or work things out.
I agree with you that he has not figured out to completely end the relationship. I told our other daughter who just got engaged to watch her back. He has not figured out to get rid of you either but he will in time. I told her if he starts giving you nasty looks call him down on it in front of her sister. I wish I had. I let the ball drop too long until I could not take it anymore. When my own daughter jumped on board with this behavior I just could not take it anymore. I don't know if my daughter and her narcissitic husband will come to her sister's wedding but won't be surprised if they don't.
They did not show up to any get family get together's this past year. In the letter my husband wrote to our daughter he said we are not going to put up with hostaging. He feels that is what they are doing not letting us see our daughter. All I can say is watch your bad. They are cunning and strategic and it's scary.
Mar 04, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		This Is ME!!
by: Anonymous

This could've been my story except my son in law isn't wealthy but his family is. Our daughter a "sweetheart" has convinced our son to not speak to me as well. They insult their dad (my husband) alot but he manages to ignore it whereas I have a tendency to speak out and I'm very glad that I have. I did play into my son in law's hands as well but I don't regret it. It's frustrating at times but I'm still glad I spoke up.

We do get to see our only grandson occasionally and I'm glad for that but I expect my son in law to do something about that eventually.

He tried to get on at our local police department but failed the drug test twice and because I have connections to the pd, though not an officer, he blames me.

His 36 year old half brother lives at home with his parents. He is a convicted felon, having served time for child abuse. He's a drug dealer/trafficker and has a very lengthy rap sheet going back 12 years. His mother lied to my daughter about this and when I questioned my daughter about it her excuse is that she trusts her in laws to protect her son against this
monster.

It's a crazy situation and frustrating as well but there's nothing I can do.

This man has her convinced she has no one to turn to so I have made sure she understands if she ever needs help I'm a phone call away. This way he hasn't completely won.
Feb 02, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Update on narcissistic son-in-law
by: Anonymous

It sounds like you at least have a relationship with your daughter and Grandkids. I think he has not figured out how to get rid of you yet. So I am happy for you that you have not lost all contact. You are wise in thinking he could pick up and take off. Watch your back.

Update- We have lost all contact except for a Christmas postcard with a family picture of them and the baby. It was addressed only to my husband. Everyone else got a generic letter about their life for the last year. My husband got nothing.
This is what happens when you confront a narccisstic personality. In getting the card, the message is "Look at the Grandchild you will never know.

Being treated as invisible still was so upsetting to me that my husband sat down & wrote a letter to our daughter. We have heard nothing.

In this letter my husband tells my daughter that we did not raise her to act that way and there is no motivation for me to lie about it. He writes we will not be a party to hostaging.
He told her we love her and have not abandoned her.

The rest of the family now sees what he is like. Still we don't know when we will ever see our daughter again.
Feb 01, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Narcissitic son-in-law
by:

My heart goes out to you. Twenty years ago, our lovely daughter began seeing "Nabal". He showed up at our church one Sunday and he immediately began to weave his magic on our daughter, who was the church pianist. Nabal was full of himself, cunning, charming, manipulative, etc.
Over time, he even succeeded in driving a wedge between our daughter and the elder Pastor. She eventually left the church and married this person. They moved just far enough away that he could monitor and control any contact with family or friends. This continued for over ten years.
There were many nights, I cried myself to sleep. 13 years after they were married my daughter finally became pregnant, but she lost the baby during the pregnancy. She was heartbroken. Then several years ago, Nabal accidently hit a man walking along the highway with a company vehicle. Nabal left the scene of the accident. The man died and later Nabal lost his job. Now he has high blood pressure, arthritis, stomach problems, hernias, sinus infections, obesity, etc. Nabal is still arrogant and manipulative. And of course our daughter is still married to him and she defends him at every turn.
God's goodness shines in spite of this sad, sorry, story. Our daughter was finally blessed with two beautiful children. I retired and I have kept the children so she could work to support his habits. This suits Nabal since my services are free and he has more money for whatever.
I know that at any time, he may run with the children as he did with our daughter. But, everyday with the children is a gift from God.



Nov 18, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Update on Narccissitic son-in-law
by: Anonymous

This is the follow up to my first post. We have not seen our daughter and we don't know what the baby looks like. My narccissitic son-in-law did target only me. When I stood up for myself, this is what he wanted and ending the relationship with me and now my husband. The baby was born last March and they took a private room and lied and told everyone they could not have visitors. Not even her sister was allowed up there. My son-in-law's 10 year old son from a previous marriage was brought to the hospital and was allowed to see the baby but NOONE on both sides of the family were allowed to the hospital. We just found out that they will not be attending Thanksgiving so that will mean that no one will see the baby. Probably this will be the last contact from my daughter and husband. They live a isolated life and don't have much to do with either side I hear from my daughter who has a minimum amount of contact with her. I guess my son-in-law's side of the family know by now that if they offend both of them in any way that they won't see the baby too. My daughter does not do facebook. She is controlled completely by him and is changed completely. I don't believe her father and me will ever see her again. I have moved on to acceptance now. Boy the anger was hard to deal with but things are better now. We focus on our daughter who is in our life. We may be relocating to another state and I never thought I would be so happy to go. Things do get better over time.
May 07, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Narcissistic son-in-law - no baby or daughter as feared!
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your comment. It gave me chills! It also validated our experience so thank you again. Yes all rude comments and passive aggressive behavior were targeted at me only. As we feared we were not contacted when the baby was born. My husband was sent a short text with a picture of my daughter holding the baby in recovery room. It was clear my husband was to be allowed to be a Grandparent but not I. A email was sent expressing this intent. Hurt I responded. I said my husband and I are married and a package deal. He replies no deal. I feel your pain as you held your Grandchild. We have no pictures other than a text picture. They rented a private room at the hospital and lied and told family they could not accept visitors.
How creepy! Absolute control and isolation. How messed up!
I share your pain. I also felt I was going crazy. He copied our private correspondence and made it public with his friends and company. He is the owner. He is trying to attack my character and reputation. The favorite saying that stands out from both of them is " Nothing has been done to you...EVER!!!!!". What a lie.
May 07, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Not alone
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that I am reading this. It's like reading an act verbatim from my life with our daughter and narcissistic son-in-law. Exactly! You wouldn't believe some of the comments from him...and he rarely targets my husband. Our daughter, who we used to be so very close to, has changed and taken on his warped realities. They had a baby and won't let anyone in the family see this precious little boy. My husband and I have been to counseling, read books, written amends letters to them, all to no avail. He is manipulative, self-absorbed and never accepts blame or accountability. It has been two years since we have seen our daughter and have only seen our grandson on the day of his birth. By the way, the parents of this young man (30) are just like him. They took our daughter and ran.

It's good to know that we are not alone. I thought we were going crazy. It's been a very difficult time.
G.G.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Your Narcissistic Injury Horror Stories or
How You Done Him Wrong